There are hundreds of stories like this on
from people in all sorts of situations,
but first there's one story in particular I'd like to share with
other relationship experts who approach this topic from a clinical
perspective, for me saving marriages is very personal.
wife and I were deeply in love. I remember staying up all night
talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to
each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being
connected? That was us.
But then something happened that
destroys most marriages. We had a son who died when he was just one
week old. And then we had twin daughters, who also died as newborns.
situation probably was not so tragic, but something happened. What was
it? How did you lose each other? Or maybe you can't put your finger on
why things aren't the same anymore. That's common too.
us, after losing 3 children, everything felt different. Instead of
talking all night, it was a chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead of
using our code words, we used curse words. Our relationship consisted
of screaming matches and silent treatments.
Somewhere deep in our heart though,
like you, we knew we didn't want to lose each other. So we made a
commitment to work on our marriage. Sometimes I tried and my wife
didn't. Sometimes my wife tried and I didn't. Sometimes we tried
together. We went through different stages of "trying."
What did we try?
tried the obligatory, "Honey, let me repeat what you said to make sure
I understood you correctly." We applied conflict resolution strategies.
My wife learned about Mars and I learned about Venus. We even went to
counseling to wrestle with our problems. But guess what. Nothing
changed. Nothing worked.
all the advice we got (books, counselors...whatever) asked us to
confront our problems. But that just made us feel worse. And fight
long as the "right" way wasn't working, why not be dysfunctional? So we
tried to convince each other of our way. You tried that too, right?
Obviously, that doesn't work.
we had a breakthrough.
decided to SET ASIDE OUR PROBLEMS.
We didn't talk about them at all. We didn't bring them up even once.
Instead, we put our energy into trying to connect. We used certain
relationship techniques that transformed our marriage. Not only did we
resolve our differences; we fell in love again! And we did it not by
dealing with our problems (as serious as they were), but by
establishing new relationship habits that brought positive energy to
is the solution to most marital situations—to "step away"
from your problems and spend your time and energy building your
relationship through positive actions.
If you do this
RIGHT, your problems will dissipate, the threat of divorce will go
away, and the other people invading your marriage will become
irrelevant. Slowly but surely you will come
closer together again.
Now you're probably wondering, “How do I
stay away from the very problems that plague me? What healthy habits
or relationship techniques can bring us closer together? And what if my
That's EXACTLY what I'll teach you. I'll
answer those questions and more so you get the results you want. Let me
be more specific. Here's what you'll learn in The
Marriage Fitness Audio Learning System:
How to snap out of
destructive patterns of behavior
How to stop dwelling
on the past and start moving forward
How to get
over old hurt
acts that will rebuild love in your
habits that will soften your marital
acts that will restore romance between
How to get your spouse
The 4 primary
principles of LASTING love
How to become a team rather
than 2 individuals
How to make
How to get YOUR needs met
How to connect with an
emotionally absent spouse
How to keep the small things
How to tickle your
How to deal with a spouse who
How to break
What to do if
you’re not spending enough time
How to get and give the right
What to do if you find
yourself attracted to another man/woman
What to do if your spouse has
intimate internet friends
What to do if your spouse is
friends with their X
How to restore honor to your
How to talk so your spouse will
How to listen so your spouse will
How to bring your past to its knees
When NOT deciding is the best
How to replace efficiency with
would have been nice to know how to do all this years ago, right? Well,
it's NOT too late. In my experience, it's never too late. Cathy would
agree. Who's Cathy? Listen: