How We Turned Our Lonely Marriage Around

Posted on May 16, 2012 by mort

Lonely Marriage

I’m Kerri Morrison and this is my tale. My husband Craig and I have been married for almost nine years. Beginning two years ago, I was feeling like I was in a relationship by myself. I was becoming another one of those housewives in a lonely marriage.

I hated the feeling!

I’m an assertive person so I was shocked at how long it took me to discuss my feelings with my husband. I was surprised and sad to hear that he felt lonely too. We couldn’t understand how two people could feel so lonely in a marriage that had started out so well.

We knew we had to fix this.

We Needed A Different Kind of Help for Our Lonely Marriage

We agreed that traditional marriage counseling would never work for us. We had busy schedules, made busier by three kids, and I’ll admit it… we also felt embarrassed. Were we really one of those couples who needed counseling?

We thought, we’ll handle this ourselves.

We went to the bookstore and searched for books to find solutions for loneliness in marriage. We didn’t have much success. Fortunately, we found our answer while doing research on the Internet.

We Got Help for Our Lonely Marriage through Online Counseling

This may sound strange to you, it was to us at first, but we considered an alternative solution—web-based marriage counseling. We started with very open minds. If it could help us, we were willing to try it. We needed solutions for the loneliness we felt in our marriage.

We needed a way to find answers. Answers that could be applied in real life.

Being Lonely in a Relationship Is Common

One of the first things we learned was that being lonely in a relationship is more common than we thought. We were happy to know there were other couples in our same shoes. We learned so much, but the most relevant lessons were:

  1. Loneliness in marriage is often due to lack of communication.
  2. Many couples feel like they’re drifting apart after 7 to 10 years of marriage.
  3. Feeling lonely in a relationship doesn’t mean the relationship is over or the love is gone. Don’t turn your back on it—fix it!

Our Loneliness in Marriage Was Partly Due to Neglect

We never intended to hurt each other or take each other for granted, but that’s exactly what we did for the past two years.

Through our online counseling program we realized that the loneliness in our relationship was mostly due to neglect. Instead of nurturing our marriage, we just let it be as a given part of life. We took each other for granted.

We failed to complement each other, praise each other, or notice if the other had had a bad day. Our loneliness spurred from the fact that our marriage was stuck on autopilot.

There was work to be done, and we were both excited to begin it.

Our Lonely Marriage is Long Gone

The online marriage counseling alternative brought us closer together. Right away we made it a point to start doing more things together, which led to us noticing each other again. We became more attuned to each other’s emotions and feelings.

Now neither one of us feels neglected, lonely or taken for granted anymore. I am not saying our marriage is perfect by any means (we learned that there are always improvements to be made), but our lonely marriage is a thing of the past.

Different things work for different couples, before you give up on your marriage fill out the form below. You will receive free marriage secrets from Mort that could turn your marriage around today!

It’s exactly what my marriage needed.

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Marriage Exercises That Work

Posted on May 7, 2012 by mort

Marriage Exercises That Work

My name is Lisa and my husband, Peter, and I are the world’s biggest proponent of marriage exercises. Six years ago I married the man of my dreams. Six years later we realized that we just didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore.

Somehow we forgot!

It had been so easy when we were dating and even when we were newly married. In fact, my husband was my favorite person to talk to and the first one I ran to with news—good or bad.

However, somehow we lost that great communication in our marriage. What helped us get it back was a series of marriage exercises that was simple, effective and even fun.

Communication in Marriage Takes Work

It took us a long time to realize that we really weren’t enjoying talking to each other (or even talking to each other at all) the way that we used to. It wasn’t a sudden thing and we didn’t go through any particular crisis or trial.

The problem, we now realize, is that we didn’t take the care necessary to foster our communication in marriage.

We obsessed over advancing at our jobs, paying the bills, having and raising our kids and all of those other things that take the time and energy of adults. We should’ve also obsessed over each other.

Communication in marriage is essential to a strong, healthy and happy marriage, but we weren’t doing anything to nurture it. We talked about what needed to be done, who needed to be where and what bill needed to be paid.

We almost never just talked about what each of us was going through, what we were thinking about or what we were dreaming about. You know, all of those things you discuss naturally as a young couple.

How to Save Your Marriage and Have Fun, Too

Fortunately, someone suggested an alternative online marriage counseling program before things became even worse. Yes we were feeling unhappy and unsatisfied, but neither of us was looking elsewhere or thinking of divorce.

The online marriage program was a great solution for us. We didn’t think things were bad enough to see a counselor and we wouldn’t have had the time or money to see one, anyway.

Through the online therapy, we learned lots of ways to spot signs of trouble with communication in marriage. We also learned ways to get that natural communication going again. The counselor gave us a whole series of marriage exercises that got us talking and thinking together in a way we hadn’t done for a long time.

Some of the marriage exercises were tough to do. They forced us to really look at the way we were handling our relationship and that was hard. However, if you want to know how to save your marriage, you have to look at some hard realities.

Fortunately, a lot of the marriage exercises we did were fun, like role-playing (we reversed roles) and games. We did one that was similar to The Newlywed Game, which was a nonstop laugh, but reminded us that we still had a lot to discover about each other.

That alone was worth doing all the marriage exercises in the world.

Find the Marriage Exercises That are Best For You

Not all marriage exercises are about communication in marriage. We found a lot of relationship building activities that were geared toward rekindling romance, setting goals and almost any other situation you can think of.

One thing we learned: whatever your situation, there’s someone else out there in the same place.

There are a lot of resources available; you just need to find the ones that apply to your particular situation and needs. You can learn how to save your marriage or just strengthen an already great relationship.

Fill out the form at the bottom of this page and Mort will email you an essential list of marriage tips for free!

We’re so grateful for the help we’ve gotten and we feel stronger than ever. Now it’s your turn to make the most of your marriage.

 

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How To Get My Husband Back Home

Posted on April 25, 2012 by mort

How To Get My Husband Back

My name is Meg Saroyan. Two years ago, my husband packed his things and walked out the door. I was devastated!

I didn’t want to believe him when he said our marriage was over, and I was determined to win him back. I knew if I wanted to know how to get my husband back home, I needed to help. I asked friends for advice on how to win him back, but they were caught just as off guard as I was.

No One Could Advise Me On How to Get My Husband Back Home

Everyone told me to stay strong and be patient. I tried staying strong for our children’s sake, but deep inside I was a mess. I constantly obsessed over how to get my husband back home.

When he would come to visit the kids, I’d beg and plead him to come back. It didn’t work. I researched blogs and read books. They also didn’t work. I even tried going to a women’s support group, but I wasn’t comfortable sharing my personal feelings with strangers. Another letdown.

I needed to find another solution.

You Can’t Win Back Your Husband Until You Understand Why He Left

What finally worked for me was a marriage course I found online. There was a section in one of the sessions that personally resonated with me and made me open my eyes and see clearly. It read: “You can’t win back your husband (or your wife) until you understand why he (or she) left.”

I realized that I had been going about winning him back in the wrong way.

I was looking for surefire strategies to bring him back and things to change about myself to make him like me more. Never once did I actually consider his reasons for leaving. Maybe it wasn’t me!

How to Get My Husband Back Home—The Solution

Suddenly I had a new approach for how to get my husband back home.

I invited my husband to meet with me to talk about our separation. He knew that we had to address the situation eventually. He talked about his reasons for leaving, and I couldn’t have been more off with my assumptions.

I was ready to change things about myself to show him that I was serious about giving us another shot, but that wasn’t the issue at all. Sitting in front of one another and sharing our feelings and thoughts we came to a realization together. It was a new beginning.

It took us three months to go on a “date” and another month for him to move back home. Working things out didn’t happen overnight. It took open communication of ideas, dreams and philosophies.

The important thing, though, is that I got my husband back. I never gave up on love, and he really appreciated that.

If you’re going through a similar situation, don’t lose hope. Don’t turn your back on the person you’ve promised your life to until you’ve given it everything that you can. And then give it more.

If you want to start repairing your marriage like I did, then just fill out the form below. Mort will email you a list of free secrets to fix your marriage and get you headed on the right track.

I owe my marriage to his program.

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My Husband is Passive Aggressive

Posted on March 14, 2012 by mf

My Husband is Passive Aggressive

My Husband is Passive Aggressive

The phrase passive aggressive is used to define a type of behavior where a person refuses to interact or avoids following through with expectations in interpersonal relationships.  Can you relate?  Can you say that “my husband is passive aggressive”? If yes, keep reading what happened with one of our clients.

The Passive Aggressive Behavior

My husband and I separated at the end of October 2010. There wasn’t any drugs, alcohol or infidelity in our marriage. We just became like roommates. We had felt distant from each other for quite some time. He became extremely shut down in June of last year. I got scared and the more we talked and I pushed for counseling the more he shut down and pushed away. I was scared that this was the end. He just didn’t even seem to care. So I made my mind up to try everything possible to “get him back” so to speak and nothing seemed to work. I reached out and got nothing back from him. He said he knew I was trying but he wasn’t and he didn’t know why. He said he didn’t think he loved me the way he should. Finally in October, I just didn’t know what else to do. Felt as though I had done all I could do without him wanting to go to counseling. So after one of our many uncomfortable talks, I asked him if he wanted to leave. He didn’t say no and he didn’t say yes. But I could tell he wanted out. So I asked him to leave. He came home that night from work, we told the kids, and he left and said he was done.

Try and Try Again

I assumed we would try to work things out after he left and he repeatedly said he was done. It wasn’t until about a month later that I was online looking up info on separation, divorce etc. as I had done many times but this time came across Mort Fertel. At first I was hesitant to order the Cd’s. Money has been extremely tight and we were going into Christmas and just didn’t think I should spend the money. I thought about it for a day or two and decided my marriage was worth ordering the CD’s and they could be returned if I didn’t feel they fit our situation. Well, I couldn’t wait to get the CD’s. When I received the materials and cd’s through email, I literally sat and read/listened the whole thing. I knew that this was great info and it all made sense. I just didn’t know how to get my husband to listen to them. He was still very shut down and distant. We did things together because of the kids and we were always respectable to each other. I listened to these CD’s as well as went to counseling for myself. I believe the combination of both helped me become stronger and work on myself. I ordered the lone ranger package and worked through it on my own. I still wasn’t seeing hope from my husband but felt as though I needed to everything possible for my marriage and if it was truly over, I could say I did everything I could to work things out. I had to be able to walk away from my marriage if it came to that with a sense that I tried. After going through the holidays my husband seemed to have a hard time with the holidays. He was breaking down a lot which is extremely rare. It wasn’t until my daughter and him talked and he broke down. She asked him if he would go to the counselor that I have been seeing and he said he would, he promised. He made the appt. and went. He still didn’t open up to me about the appt. except to say the counselor was a nice guy, easy to talk to, and that it wasn’t so bad. I also at this point talked to him about these CD’s and asked him if he would at least listen to the first one. I knew if he listened to the first one he would listen to them all. When he came to the house after his appt. with the counselor he took the CD’s with him when he left. I still felt like I didn’t have anything left to do at this point.

The Long, Painful Road

My hope was gone. I made the decision to make an appt. with an attorney to see what my options were. It was very upsetting because I didn’t want the marriage to get to this point but didn’t know what else to do. I called on Monday and had an appt for Thursday of that week. I was crying when I got off the phone and then my counselor called me to tell me about the appt. with my husband. He said he was sorry that he didn’t have good news. He said my husband wanted the marriage over. I was a mess. But I felt as though I saw it coming and was glad at that point that I had made the appt. with the attorney. I text my husband and told him I had talked to the counselor and he basically said he was done and that I needed to move on. I asked him to not come by the house that night to see the kids because I emotionally couldn’t handle it at that point. I told him I could see he was done and it was time for me to move on and take the next step. He text back and said he dumped his anger and resentments at the counselors office. Then he said he had listened to the first CD. I was furious. I thought why are you even bothering to listen to the CD’s if he was done. I text back and said let me clarify what the counselor said. I listed everything he said….my husband didn’t want marriage counseling. He didn’t want to work things out. etc. After I listed everything the doctor said, I said, I have reached out to you and have gotten nothing in return. I said I can see you are done. I will let you go. He never responded. I took it as I was right. He was done.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

It was until the next day around noon, he text me and asked if we could talk. I text back very bitter and said there isn’t anything to talk about. He is done. He text back and said he really wanted to sit down and talk to me. He also said he had been listening to these CD’s and they made sense. He said we were only doing, maybe, 15% of what Mort was saying to do. He said it was all doable things. He said it was worth giving it a try to work on our marriage. That was last week. I canceled my appt. with the attorney and my husband and I sat down and talked on Saturday. We are going to work through this program and seek counseling one on one and together. I am further along in the healing process then he is because I have been doing this program and seeking counseling but he has seen the changes in me and says he likes what he sees. He is still very guarded and has walls up so to speak but I think we will be able to work through our differences. Thank you Mort for making this program. Every person entering marriage should be given this CD’s. I think we all go into marriage thinking our marriage is different and we will never get to “this” point. We were on cruise control in our marriage. His biggest complaint was I didn’t put him first. The kids, house, family friends, house all came before him. I see now that you have to work at your marriage and nurture you marriage and spouse regardless of your kids. I see that without our relationship we wouldn’t have kids or be where we are with our house, jobs, life in general. You have to put your spouse first and “work” on your marriage. I have told all of my married friends about this program and I will encourage anyone I know who is getting married to seek this program so they have the tools and maybe won’t get to this point in their marriage. Thank you Mort Fertel for a wonderful program!!!

As you can see, it may be long and difficult process to get over passive aggressive behavior.  If your husband is passive aggressive and you would like more information on how to work on this issue, sign up for our free marriage advice.

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My Husband Ignores Me

Posted on March 13, 2012 by mf

My Husband Ignores Me

My Husband Ignores Me

Very often we hear from women that “my husband ignores me”; if you are in this situation, you are not alone.  Susan D. was in this very position and shared her story with us.

Mr. Fertel ,

I have thought long and hard about writing a testimonial for the Marriage Fitness Program. The problem was where to begin and when to stop writing about the success I have achieved (with Mr. Fertel’s help) but here goes:

“If the term obstinate spouse were in the dictionary then my husband’s picture would take up the whole page!”

We fit the pattern of couples married for a very long time, 24 years. In these days odds are against that. And, like many long-married couples, we had fallen into a rut. Same old routine day in and day out. Somewhere along the way we stopped trying to connect with each other. My husband started filling his time with church work 4 to 5 days a week, not including actually going to church on Saturday and Sunday (we’re Catholic so there are masses both days). I think he realized that might have been excessive and cut back, but that was only after I complained and complained about never seeing him. This was the real problem: he was so used to spending time away from me and getting what he should have been getting from the me that he only switched his focus to sports, visiting his father 5 to 6 times a week (his father is in excellent health, but they have common interests), even spending hours talking to his favorite garage mechanic. No, there were no extra-marital affairs, thank goodness.

Both Sides Played a Part

I am not blameless either. I spent at least 8 hours a day in the garden, often more, and for some reason it took priority over what little time my husband was home. So we tried regular marriage counselling. After paying a good deal of money to be beaten up by the counsellor about my health issues causing all the problems in our relationship (chronic depression among other biggies) we stopped because of financial reasons around Christmas time. My husband has not mentioned anything about going back. Imagine spending your 24 th anniversary by yourself while your husband declared he was going out to clean the garage, and then went off to spend the rest of the day with his father! No “Happy Anniversary” card, absolutely no mention at all, and he was the one who had always remembered the date.

A Welcome Solution

So, during one of my many nights with insomnia, I Googled marriage counselling and Mort Fertel’s name came up. I read through the whole site. And I couldn’t believe how much sense his approach to marital problems made. Yes, it would seem “counter-intuitive” as he explains but traditional counselling did absolutely no good for us. Within the week I signed up for the Lone Ranger track. I have read his book, am on the second reading now; listened to all the CDs, poured through the notebook. I can honestly say that there wasn’t any question or problem that wasn’t covered in the materials.

He gave the best advice I have ever heard about marriage problems . It’s been three full months. And guess what? My husband has started joking with me again! I don’t remember how long it’s been since that happened. We talk! He even is starting to make physical contact again instead of trying his hardest not to brush against me (that was one of the worst things to endure).

Hope is a wonderful thing; it’s worth all the hard work to rebuild a successful and loving
marriage.

Susan D.

If you say “my husband ignores me” and you want to learn more about this subject and others, sign up for our free marriage advice emails.

 

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What Can I Do To Make My Wife Love Me Again

Posted on March 8, 2012 by mf

What Can I Do To Make My Wife Love Me Again

What Can I Do To Make My Wife Love Me Again

Have you ever been in a situation where you think to yourself, “what can I do to make my wife love me again“? Keep reading to find out what one of our clients, name withheld upon request, did when he asked the same question.

My wife of 24 years informed me that she was no longer IN love with me, that she was having an affair with a long-time client of hers, and that she was going to divorce me. She was going to move out of the house and we were to work on figuring out an amicable parting of our lives. I was devastated, although not entirely caught by surprise.

Change the Dynamic of Your Relationship

After overcoming the shock and pain you feel when you realize there is a break in your relationship, it is important to figure out how to fix what went wrong and how to make your wife love you again.

I made some very good decisions in the first couple of weeks following having the bomb dropped on me. One of the best was deciding to enroll as a Lone Ranger in the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp .

Make a Change Within Yourself and in the Relationship

Following that, implementation of the Marriage Fitness concepts has made me a better person and has dramatically changed the momentum in our relationship.

Taking responsibility for his part, our client has shared his good news.  As I write this two incredible months later, my wife has broken off her affair and has re-engaged in our relationship. We still have a very long way to go to heal our lives, but the trajectory that our relationship is currently on is one that I could have never dreamed possible two short months ago. We are having fun together again and are both extending love and compassion to each other.

Hard Work Can Lead to Positive Results

All of this has occurred without my wife having the slightest clue about Marriage Fitness or Mort Fertel. I have characterized my participation on the calls and the time working on the materials as working on “healing myself,” a statement that is entirely true. The fact that it is also helping heal our marriage is a very pleasant side benefit that we are both currently enjoying. I am a living testimony to Mort’s belief that the actions of one can change the dynamic in a relationship.

Thank you Mort. I look forward to your further wisdom and counsel as we continue on our journey.

If you find yourself asking “What Can I Do To Make My Wife Love Me Again?”, you can benefit from our free marriage advice. Sign up below!

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I Fixed My Lack of Commitment in Marriage

Posted on February 29, 2012 by mort

How I Fixed My Lack of Commitment

My name is Brianna Paul, and I want to share my story with you. About a year ago, after only 2 years of marriage, my husband David and I were headed for a separation. I couldn’t believe it!

David felt that I wasn’t fulfilling his needs anymore. At first I disagreed with his way of thinking—it was hard for me to even consider that I had a lack of commitment in marriage. But I knew I wanted to stay together and work out our differences, so we got help from an online alternative style marriage counselor.

My Marriage Commitment Issues Were News To Me

I was reluctant to take responsibility for our issues, but after just a few weeks of the online counseling I realized I had serious commitment issues. I won’t bore you with all of our issues, (no, I was never unfaithful to my husband), but here are the ones that stood out the most:

  • I routinely made important plans without talking to David first.
  • I avoided participating in making long term plans.
  • I wasn’t open with David about my fears or my feelings.

My Marriage Commitment Issues Were Hand Me Downs

Through the online counseling I realized that my fears about commitment in my marriage weren’t really clear to me because they didn’t start with me.

What a relief!

I discovered that I was projecting my parents’ failed marriage. My parents went through a very rough divorce in my early teens, and it devastated my mother. She was blindsided, having no idea it was coming until my father was already gone. I subconsciously feared the same thing would happen to me.

My Lack of Commitment in Marriage was Just Fear

When David discovered how my past impacted our relationship he was able to understand where I was coming from. We began to work together to address my fears and truly fix my lack of commitment in our marriage.

He also started to change some of his own unintentional behaviors that fed my fears. By working together, we became much closer than ever before. Most importantly, David no longer questioned my love for him.

The Ending Was a Great Beginning

After only a few months of online alternative style marriage counseling, we started a new life together. The program suggested we draw up a commitment contract. We did.

We made a small ceremony out of signing the commitment contract, and even made a cover for it which read “I Plight Thee My Troth.” It was our way of acknowledging that we had battled a very serious problem and won!

With a little understanding about David and myself, I fixed my lack of commitment in marriage!

A Lack Of Commitment is NOT a Lack of Love

Our story is proof that a lack of commitment in marriage doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. If you’re going through similar problems, try to work things out.

If you need help figuring out how to start, then fill out the form below and let Mort send you free marriage tips directly to your inbox.

Never give up on your partner! If we could make such drastic improvements to our relationship, then so can you!

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Your Finances in Marriage-How You Handle Them Matters

Posted on February 27, 2012 by mort

My name is Ginny Hall and my husband Pete and I very nearly filed for separation last year due to financial problems in the marriage. I had always heard that money problems in marriage were one of the leading reasons for divorce, but that wasn’t driven home until we faced it ourselves.

We Were Constantly Fighting about Money Problems in our Marriage

We’ve been married for eleven years and we sort of took turns handling the finances in the marriage. In the beginning, my husband handled all of the bills and finances. After we had our daughter, I left my job to stay at home and I handled the money and bills. Neither method worked for us. By late last summer, the trouble with finances in the marriage were the only thing we seemed to talk about.

We Needed Help Before Our Financial Problems in Marriage Led to Divorce

Things finally got too heated and unproductive for us to deal with alone. We agreed to get some marriage counseling to help us handle all the issues we had about finances in our marriage. It was the best move we could have made. The counseling helped us see that we were hurting each other and our marriage by creating the money problems in our marriage.

We Had Failed from the Beginning

The first thing the counselor advised us was that the time to agree on our financial values and goals was before we got married. We had never talked about money before the wedding, other than agreeing on certain purchases or expenses. Because we hadn’t reached an agreement on how we would handle finances in the marriage, we had made it impossible to work together toward a common goal.

The counselor then had us sit down over coffee and draw up a very simple idea of how we wanted the money to be handled. He had us ask these questions:

a)      What are our three top priorities for our finances?

b)      How can we adjust our budget to meet those mutual goals?

c)       How do we want to spend our discretionary income?

d)      What one thing can we work together to save for, something that will make us both happy?

That exercise may sound overly simplistic, but it was just a beginning. It got us talking about the money problems in our marriage in a constructive way and it also got us working together on a pleasant goal: a trip to Disney World.

The Second Most Important Thing

The counselor told us the second most important rule we’d broken was by making one of us completely responsible for the finances in our marriage. When my husband was handling the finances in our marriage, I really resented the way he questioned me about every single thing I bought or every dollar I spent. When I was handling the money, I hated the way he would spend money without telling me, which messed up my budget every month.

Of course, now we know that only one of us was on a budget at a time!

Money Problems in Our Marriage Are Now Very Small

We still disagree about how to spend our money, but now the issue is something like, “Do we buy a new washer or a used one?” rather than the huge fights we used to have. When we disagree, we talk until we reach an agreement. The important thing is that we’re working together.

If you’re having financial problems in your marriage, take heart. If you can start working together instead of against each other, you can actually make your marriage much stronger. We needed help to do that. There’s help available for you, too.

 

Go from Finances In Marriages – How To Cope With Financial Issues to blog

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What Hard Times Taught Us about How to Keep a Strong Marriage

Posted on February 24, 2012 by mort

What Hard Times Taught Us about How to Keep a Strong Marriage

We’re Margo and Jason Canton. We’ve been married for seventeen years and have three great kids. The last few years has been very rough on us and on our marriage.

My husband’s brother passed away suddenly, my widowed mother came to live with us, my husband lost his job and my business was struggling.  When you go through periods like that, you focus more on how to survive each day than on how to keep a strong marriage. However, we came out of it as better friends and lovers than we were before.

We had a lot of help during this time, but we’d like to share what we learned about how to make your marriage stronger during tough times.

How To Keep a Strong Marriage When You’re Feeling Weak

Really hard times and tough situations, especially if they’re ongoing (like my aging mom moving in) can really wear you out.

We learned that it’s extremely important to remember that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, too.  Sometimes you can get so exhausted and run down by circumstances that you feel like it’s all you can do to keep yourself going, much less take care of your spouse.

Along the way we found out that by taking a few minutes to ask how the other was doing, and really listening to the answers, we were able to build a strong marriage, a little bit every day.

How To Make Your Marriage Stronger in 5 Minutes a Day

At one point, as I took care of my mom and tried to run my small home business, my husband was going on interviews and searching for a new job. Somewhere in there, we still had three kids to take care of, too.

There were plenty of days that we had just a few minutes together out of an entire day. We learned to make sure that if five minutes was all we got, we got it alone. We also learned to make the most of it to lift each other up. We even made a deal that we would make each other laugh at least once a day, even if that meant a thirty-second tickle fight.

Sometimes you have to stop working so hard at figuring out how to make your marriage stronger and play together instead!

How to Keep a Strong Marriage On No Money

During this time, we were really, seriously strapped. All those marriage books about how to keep a marriage strong by dating and stealing weekends away together were useless to us. However, we did have a standing date to have coffee on our back deck every Sunday night after dinner.

That time was sacred to us and the kids knew that they had to take care of the dishes, each other and everything else for an hour or so.

It might not sound like much, but we’d light a candle or two or start a fire in the fire pit and just hold hands and talk. It was a wonderful way to get ready for another week, together.

Now We Know How to Keep Marriage Strong in Good Times, Too

We’re very grateful that things are easier now. My husband found a great job that allows us to pay for help with Mom, who needs a lot of care. My business is a lot steadier, too.

We know that the things we did to keep a strong marriage in bad times are the same things that will keep us together in good times. We know that what we learned about how to build a strong marriage is just as important now as it was then.

 

Go from How To Keep A Strong Marriage When You’re Feeling Weak to blog

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How to Tell if Your Husband is Having an Affair

Posted on February 10, 2012 by mf

How to Tell if Your Husband is Having an Affair

How to Tell if Your Husband is Having an Affair

If you’re wondering how to tell if your husband is having an affair, you’ll be able to relate to the story below. The email we received is from “JW”. Her husband was having an affair and moved out of the house. Using the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp program, she single-handedly saved their marriage! Within two months of starting the program, her husband moved back into the home and ended his affair. Their marriage is now better than ever!

Dear Mort,

I want to thank you for developing the tele-fitness boot camp and making it so accessible both in cost and ease of use.

“Husband is Having an Affair”

My marriage had been on a downward trajectory for a year and despite my needs, wants and intentions, I couldn’t seem to turn it around. My husband and I saw two marriage counselors together, and each saw individual counselors and again things just got progressively worse. Over the year, my husband moved out of our marital bed, eventually moved out of the house, and had an affair.

Changing the Momentum of My Marriage

I started the tele-boot camp the week my husband moved out. Within 2 weeks of starting, the momentum of my marriage started changing. I learned to change my focus from my feelings and my reaction to my husband’s behavior to of my intentions and my desired outcome.

Your program helps you stay focused despite the results that you initially get.

Unconditional Love Ended My Husband’s Affair!

Conventional wisdom and advice tells you to use tough love to get what you want, to make demands, to not accept bad behavior. The problem is that this advice is ineffective. You taught me how to love unconditionally, how to become the person I wanted to become so that my spouse would be crazy not to love me. By changing myself despite what my husband was doing, I learned how to become lovable again instead of being cold, disappointed, bitter and disillusioned.

Within two months my husband moved back in, ended the affair, and is working on building our marriage. He has re-engaged with family life, reached out to our extended family to build bridges and is focusing on meeting my needs.

The reason your program is so different from anything that is out there is because you help people achieve their desired outcome. In addition to not judging them for wanting their desired outcome, you encourage them and admire them for their strength of conviction and moral compass.

Staying on the Path to Success

Once I started your program, I blocked out all other noise with regards to rebuilding my marriage. You are my mentor and my support system. Whenever I have a bad day with my husband and lose focus, I re-read your book, listen to your CDs, or tune into a tele-conference. I would have spent thousands of dollars with my therapist and I still could not have achieved my desired outcome.

From the bottom of my heart – thank you. YOUR PROGRAM turned my marriage around. I know I would have survived had my marriage failed, but I didn’t want to survive – I wanted to stay married. I wanted my old, loving, kind and caring husband back, and he’s coming.

I couldn’t recommend your program more.

Sincerely,

Jw

If you have been searching for advice on how to tell if your husband is having an affair, you will really benefit from the email advice we offer. There is no cost and nothing to lose! Sign up below for tips on how to end your husband’s affair.

Posted in Catch Cheating, How to save my marriage, How to save your marriage, Marriage Infidelity, Save my marriage, Stop Divorce | Tagged , , | Comments Off

What Can I Do To Make My Husband Happy

Posted on February 8, 2012 by mf

What Can I Do To Make My Husband Happy

What Can I do to Make my Husband Happy?

Three months ago “HMD” and her husband and were so unhappy. She came to Mort Fertel asking, “What can I do to make my husband happy?” At first her husband resisted and he made it clear that he wanted a divorce. With the help of the Marriage Fitness program, she was able to turn her marriage around alone and make her husband happy again!

Dear Mort,

I just wanted to thank you for helping me save my marriage.

The Downward Spiral

We have been married 6 ½ years.  My husband travels for work.  As a result, more than 50% of our married life has been spent apart.  This has really taken a toll on us.  I have to wonder if any two people have been as hateful and volatile as we became!  We’ve been to marriage counseling 4 times in the last 6 years, and it didn’t help a bit.  We were the couple that made others jealous, but behind closed doors we could be worst enemies.  When we weren’t fighting, we were ignoring and avoiding each other, which was easy to do with him gone so much.

“My Husband Told me he was Done”

Three months ago my husband told me he was done.  He couldn’t handle the fighting anymore and wanted to move out.  He said he didn’t love me like a husband should love his wife.  He said he just didn’t care enough to try anymore.  He said he wanted a divorce.  Normally I was the one in our marriage who threw that word around.  But when he said it, my world came crashing down.  It was the first time he had ever said something like that and I knew he was serious.

Learning How to Make my Husband Happy Again

After the initial shock wore off, I decided not to just give up and let the divorce happen.  I got online and found your program.  With the money back guarantee I figured I had nothing to lose.  My husband had made it clear that he was done trying so I went with the Lone Ranger program.

It was really difficult, especially in the beginning.  For all the positive things I did, he was still very negative.  I would drive 5 hours to see him, take him homemade food, and he would kick me out.  But I persevered.  It has been 3 months, and my husband now says he is in love with me!  He makes me coffee every morning and he helps with the chores. We are making plans for the future!

I owe it all to you.  Thanks for everything!

HMD

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Does separation work?

Posted on February 7, 2012 by mf

Does separation work?

Does Separation Work?

Many people wonder, “Does separation work?”

Debby and her husband tried to see if separation would work for them. Debby’s husband moved out to live with another woman. With the help of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp program, her husband moved back into their home for good! Their marriage is better than ever!

If you’ve been asking yourself does separation work, read Debby’s email to us below:

Separation After 30 Years

“I wanted to thank you for your support during my recent separation from my husband of 30 years.  I wanted to share my happy ending with you.

We have always had what everyone thought was the “perfect marriage” and so did I.  We had our ups and downs, but we were caring, giving, and loving with each other. My husband, however, after turning 50 seemed to think he had missed out on something, and left me for another woman.  I was devastated, and did not see it coming as we had always been best friends, had a great sex life, and had worked together in our family medical office.  He had become unhappy in life, and our children had recently moved away from our small town, so we moved to a larger city.  He had gastric bypass, lost 150 pounds, and for the first time in a long time had more female attention than he was used to.  I was stressed with the move, a new job, had taken on 17 UC and FM offices as Medical Director, and we were living in an apartment with our college age children trying to figure out where we wanted to buy a home.  He met a woman during this vulnerable time, and despite a wonderful 2 weeks in Maui, when we returned, he moved out to live with her.  That is when I found your program.

Saving a Marriage Alone

I started it on my own, and then got him to listen to some of the CD’s.  We talked.  We e-mailed.  We worked together at an UC and no one there ever knew we had separated.  We love each other, and he was miserable and sad, and felt very guilty for his actions, but due to that, he did not attend our counseling session with you either.  I did not give up.  You kept my faith up that things could get better.  I loved him through his crisis, and reminded him of our strengths and history. I gave him cards, brought him Starbucks when he was working, made him treats with notes left on his desk at work, and sent him a postcard to the office (didn’t want to send it to her house) when I went to visit my brother in CA saying I wish you were here.  He would call me on the phone and we would talk for hours, and he would e-mail me jokes or funny things to read.  And so it began.

After 2 1/2 months, he begged my forgiveness, I begged his, and we reaffirmed our love, and he came back home.  The children were angry with him, but we loved them through this and talked openly with them about how all relationships have problems, but it is how we handle those problems that make us who we are, and allow us to reap the benefits of our efforts.  We told them that the most important thing is that we did not give up on each other, and now we were stronger than before.

Celebrating Our 30th Anniversary!

My husband and I have been back together for 5 months.  We renewed our vows with our children officiating at our 30th anniversary 8/9/10, we have purchased our dream home, have coordinated our schedules to have 3 days off per week together when we rock climb, ski, hike, or relax.  We have finished our medical thriller, “The Clones of Harvest Home,” and Catherine Coulter and her agent are assisting us with the publishing process.  We have taken a 2 1/2 week vacation to Maui, and have been even closer than before we split up.  As I said, we have been each other’s best friend since we were 19, and continue to be, but our trials have taught us so much about each other.  We are very in love, and know that we will have some ups and downs, but know that we are soul mates, and will be together forever.

Thank you for helping us have the strength to get through this most difficult time.  I am not sure I could have done it without you.  I would have given up and believed that because he was with someone else that we were done.  If I had not reached out to him, his pride would not have let him come back I am sure.  So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful philosophy and program.  We are forever indebted.

I have recommended your program to several of my patients, and co-workers, and I hope they will take advantage of what you offer, and reap the benefits as well.  Happy holidays.

Gratefully,

Debby Salter, M.D.

(you may use this testimonial if you would like to – I would be honored)”

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Posted in How to save a marriage, How to save my marriage, How to save your marriage, Marriage Infidelity, Save my marriage, Stop Divorce | Tagged , , | Comments Off

How To Get My Husband Back

Posted on February 3, 2012 by mf

How To Get My Husband Back

How To Get My Husband Back

Over the years, we have received numerous emails and calls from women with the same goal of, “How to get my husband back”. I’d like to share with you a story about a woman named Melissa. She was also wondering how to get her husband back. She found our program and decided to try it as a last ditch effort to save her marriage. Read below to learn how Melissa got her husband back.

Melissa’s Story:

Dear Mort,

Words cannot express my gratitude for you and your program. I ordered your program out of desperation as a last ditch effort to save my marriage. I wanted to be able to say “at least I tried”. I found out that my husband was having an affair, he was determined to get a divorce and move out. There was nothing (according to him) that I could say or do to change his mind. He said that he was a train that could not be derailed. The advertisement for your program said that it addressed all of the problems that we were having and everything my husband was saying, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” and “I’m checked out…it’s over”. I thought your program would be too good to be true, but I gave it a shot.

“He said that he no longer wanted a divorce…”

I have been in the lone ranger program for 6 weeks now and I could not have dreamed of a better outcome. My husband and I are more connected now than we have been in 10 years. Maybe more than we have ever been. After two weeks of being in the program, my husband came home one night and asked me why I was being so nice. He said that he didn’t know what was going on, but that he really liked it and appreciated it. At that point he said that he hadn’t changed his mind YET, but that he really liked it. From then on our relationship blossomed. He started giving me touch and talk without even knowing it. Now he looks forward to spending time with me as opposed to trying to get away from me. Last night he said that he no longer wanted a divorce and that he felt that we were very connected and thought things would work between us. I cannot pin point what did it, but whatever it was it is all thanks to you. I keep pinching myself to see if I am dreaming. Everything has changed so quickly, it is truly amazing. You are a gift from God. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

- Melissa K.

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Married Woman Cheating

Posted on January 25, 2012 by Mort Fertel

Married Woman Cheating: Thoughts from a Woman Who Did

 

Two years ago, if you had asked me if I would ever cheat on my husband, I would have been very comfortable saying that I absolutely would not. I remember in the past, reading about married women cheating and feeling very self-righteous and looking down on these women.  My thought was that unhappily married women should either try to fix their marriage or get out, but not cheat.

I Had No Intention of Being One of Those Women

But, last year I did become one of those married women cheating on her husband. My husband and I had just had our fourteenth anniversary a few months earlier and although we had some problems, I was not one of those unhappily married women who consciously decided to sleep with another man because I was unhappy.

We had been drifting apart for almost a year. We were spending less time together, especially alone, without the kids. We rarely laughed anymore or talked about anything important. Gradually, we were having sex less and less.  Even so, I had no desire to be one of those married women cheating on her husband for excitement or attention or any of those reasons that married women have affairs.

It Was Completely Unplanned

However, while our kids were away for three weeks at summer camp, I went back to my hometown to spend some time with family. I had been home for a week when I ran into an old friend (not a boyfriend) from high school who invited me out for coffee. We got together three more times, all very innocent and public, before we found ourselves having sex at his home.

Because I had never dated this man and wasn’t particularly physically attracted to him at first, I thought nothing of spending time with him. But, like a lot of unhappily married women, I was so flattered by his compliments, his attention and his telling me that he had always had a thing for me and still carried a torch. I guess these were things I had wanted to hear.

Once Was Enough

I never saw the man again after we had sex, although he continued to call for a few days. I was absolutely devastated that I had become one of those married women cheating on her husband with someone she barely knew, simply because he gave her attention. I went home a few days early, telling my husband that I had gotten bored and homesick. I was actually disappointed that he couldn’t tell something was really wrong. A couple of weeks later, I decided to see a marriage counselor.

Counseling Helped Me See My Situation Differently

The first thing the counselor wanted to work on was my guilt. He wasn’t trying to get me to let go of it, because I had done something very wrong, but he wanted me to use it as motivation to fix the problems in my marriage.

We talked a lot about  how I had helped contribute to my husband’s distance by being distracted with all of my duties and projects and by waiting for my husband to initiate romance when I could do the same.  I started seeing how I had helped create the situation I was in and that made me a lot less resentful toward my husband and a lot more willing to fix my marriage. Surprisingly, my counselor didn’t insist that I needed to tell my husband that I cheated and so far, I haven’t.

Don’t Think You’re Immune

I’ve heard statistics saying that married women are cheating more than ever before, partly because we are all so busy these days. I think that’s what started our issues. Since then, I’ve been very intentional about spending time alone with my husband, focusing on us as a couple and working on my own issues as well. I still go to counseling every other week and am probably going to ask my husband to go soon.

Please don’t think you would never become a married woman cheating with someone else. I never thought it would be me, but I should have taken steps to make sure.

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Cheating In Marriage

Posted on January 24, 2012 by Mort Fertel

Cheating In Marriage: How to Spot It, How to Prevent It

 

Three years ago, I was mortified and frightened to find myself cheating in marriage. I had been married for six years at the time, and because my husband had had a one night stand in our first year of marriage that completely devastated me, I never thought that I would cheat.

My husband had gone to counseling for the cheating for several months and had suggested we go to couples counseling, but I I felt I just wanted to put the whole thing behind us.

My name is Amelia Potsmore and I’m pleased to be able to share my story with you. Keep reading to learn more about what happened and how my husband and I were able to overcome our marital problems.

His Cheating Made Me Paranoid For Months

For months after my husband’s cheating, I was a paranoid, insecure wife. I was always looking for signs of cheating and read every article I saw on the signs of a cheating spouse. I watched him like a hawk, questioned him about everything and saw signs of cheating everywhere I looked, although I now know that he never cheated again.

I Never Saw Myself Cheating In Marriage

For a few years, I spent a great deal of energy trying to be everything I thought my husband wanted me to be to keep his cheating from ever happening again. It was exhausting and it was hard on my self-esteem.

Although my husband was faithful and was attentive most of the time, any kind of rejection or disappointment made me look for signs of cheating again.  Intellectually, I knew that he shouldn’t be expected to rave every time I wore a new dress or planned a special meal, but I was still suspicious and hurt when he didn’t.

Cheating On Your Spouse Can Be Unexpected

Then three years ago, a new coworker started asking me out for coffee or lunch. He was handsome, he was very attentive and he seemed so interested in me as a person. It fed into everything I was going through. His interest was more of a relief than it was exciting. If I had felt excited, I think I would have heard warning bells sooner.

Three months after we started spending time together, we had sex for the first time. I was completely blown away and was sick about it for weeks. But this man showed so much concern for how I felt and insisted that he loved me. It just drew me back. I think that I felt that if it were really love, it wouldn’t be so awful or such a waste of my faithfulness, if that makes sense.

My Husband Found Out Eventually

I tried to justify or romanticize my affair, but the truth was that it made me miserable and I knew that I wasn’t in love with this man. I was trying to get up the courage to break it off when my husband told me he knew I was cheating in the marriage. I guess because he had cheated himself and had gone to marriage counseling for cheating, he was able to see signs of cheating easier than I had.

Surprisingly, my husband didn’t suggest divorce, but finding a couples program. I expected him to leave me, but he was so understanding. He was angry and hurt, but also told me that he knew how easily cheating on your spouse could happen.

Counseling is Essential to Prevent Cheating In Marriage

We are still in counseling and still working on rebuilding our marriage, but I know that Mort Fertel’s counseling is helping us to be better spouses and have a stronger relationship.

If you’re considering cheating in your marriage or if you see signs of a cheating spouse, get help. Your marriage doesn’t have to be over and you don’t have to deal with the pain of having an affair. A good counseling program can help you prevent cheating. Marriage Fitness is what we used and we couldn’t be happier with the results.

If you want to try it yourself, simply scroll up to the top of the page and fill out the form. You’ll get the first lesson for free.

Go to the main page of the Marriage Max blog

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Marriage Boredom

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Mort Fertel

How We Saved Our Marriage from Boredom

How We Saved Our Marriage from Boredom

I’m so pleased that I was invited to share our recent experience with using marriage counseling to learn how to stop the track of marital boredom that we’d been on. My name is Patricia Brock and my husband Vincent and I have been married for what will soon be seventeen years. Last summer, we went through couples counseling for several weeks to help us learn how to deal with the relationship boredom we were both feeling and we both truly believed it saved our marriage from boredom.

We Were Good, Just Not Great

I should say here that we weren’t necessarily unhappy, and have been fortunate enough not to have any serious issues in our marriage, but boredom had started creeping in over the last six or seven years. We rarely did anything together anymore that wasn’t related to the kids or the house. We almost never celebrated special occasions such as anniversaries and Valentine’s Day, except to get each other cards or small gifts. We really realized we had serious trouble with marriage boredom, though, when we both admitted that we just weren’t that interested in sex anymore. By that time, early last year, we were down to making love perhaps once a month.

Luckily, We Both Cared about Rescuing Our Marriage from Boredom

I think that we’re very fortunate that we both still loved each other and were very committed to staying in the marriage, but we honestly didn’t know how to do that without fixing our marital boredom. We went to premarital counseling before we got married, but we were never spoken to about relationship boredom or our marriage getting stale.

Luckily, a couple that we’re very close to recommended a marriage counselor not far from our home and we were both reluctant to try counseling but we did care enough to at least give it a shot. We were worried that all of the counselor’s advice would be sex-related and we knew that the lack of sex was a result of our relationship boredom but just having sex was not the answer to it.

The Marriage Boredom Didn’t Go Away Instantly, but It Is Gone

Counseling was very different from what we expected. The counselor agreed that just having sex probably wouldn’t help our marriage, but she did point out that if we didn’t get our sex life back on track, we would be putting our marriage at risk for infidelity and possible divorce. However, once that was established, she helped us to find ways to take our marriage from boredom to exciting again. It wasn’t instant and it wasn’t always easy, but it also wasn’t painful, confrontational or uncomfortable. She helped us relearn how to really talk to each other instead of just communicating information. She also challenged us to try one new thing together each week, whether it was an activity, a restaurant or whatever.

I think that was what helped us most. Golf didn’t go over very well, but the morning runs did and so did a lot of other things, even trying sushi for the first time. We hated it, but we laughed and had a great evening and remembered what it was like to discover each other and the discover things together, which in turn helped us to rekindle the interest in each other.

If you are unhappy in your marriage because boredom has set in, don’t hesitate to go for help. It is so worthwhile!

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Signs He is Cheating

Posted on January 18, 2012 by Mort Fertel

Signs He Is Cheating: I Recognized Them and Got Help for our Marriage

 

I have to admit that I was a little nervous about writing this guest post, but I know that there are so many women out there who are in the same situation I was just six months ago. My name is Rachel and I’ve been married to my husband for almost nine years. We married straight out of college and were very much in love. Then last year I started worrying that something was seriously wrong.

We have three kids, ages seven to two and I have been a stay at home mom since our youngest was born. The problems started very soon after I came home full time. At first, things were great. I was so excited to be doing all of the mommy things that I had been missing when I worked as an ER nurse. I really threw myself into it and tried to be Martha Stewart and June Cleaver wrapped in one. At first, my husband seemed really happy to be getting great home cooked dinners and a more organized home life, but then I started to feel that he was becoming distant.

I Started Looking for Signs He Was Cheating

I’ll admit that I have always had a bit of a jealous or insecure streak, but I really started thinking I was seeing signs he cheated on me. He started working late at least once a week, even though he never had before and always had a different reason why.  You know how you always see magazine articles like, “Signs He Is Cheating on You”? I started reading them, even though I probably shouldn’t have relied on them.  Even so, I gobbled up these signs he is cheating-type articles and TV shows and I couldn’t help but recognize some of the signs a husband is cheating in my own marriage.

He started leaving his cell phone in the car when he came home, or turned off in his briefcase. That was after he seemed to panic when I started to answer it one night. He also stopped asking me to go out to dinner on the weekends or initiating lovemaking. I finally had enough and confronted him.

The Signs He Cheated Were Right and the Truth Was Awful

I wasn’t hostile or accusing when I finally talked to my husband, because I wasn’t positive that he was cheating, but I did tell him that I was almost convinced that he was and that I was scared. I told him I saw signs that he cheated and needed to know the truth. At first, he denied it, but then he broke down and told me the truth-he had met a woman from work for drinks a few times and ended up sleeping with her. He had broken it off weeks before, but she was still there.

Even though I was almost prepared to hear the truth, it devastated me to hear it from him. There was a lot of crying and a lot of yelling and then he suggested we get counseling. I wouldn’t have ever thought he’d agree to it, much less suggest it himself.

Counseling Probably Saved Our Marriage

We saw a counselor for almost six months and I’m positive that we could not have come this far on our own. If you see signs that your husband is cheating, get help.  Many of the signs of a husband cheating are pretty universal. If you have that feeling and see signs that he is cheating, talk to him and go find a good counselor. It wasn’t too late for us and it might not be for you.

We did a lot of work in counseling and I learned that we were both responsible in some ways, even though he took full responsibility for the actual affair. We aren’t perfect yet, but when my husband left his job to distance himself from the other woman, I knew he was committed to making our marriage work.

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Bored with Wife

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Mort Fertel

Bored of Your Wife? You Can Fix It!

 

My wife and I have been married for a little over twelve years and have two kids who are nine and five. We’ve been really happy most of the time, but last year we started having some real problems.

The upshot was that I was bored of my wife and was actually scared that I would do something idiotic like have an affair. Since I knew that I still loved my wife and that I wanted our family to stay together, I finally decided to do something about it.

My name is Gerald Powers and you can keep reading if you’re interested in learning more about what I did to handle the situation.

A Change In Lifestyle Started the Problems

My wife is a terrific woman and very attractive, but things had changed since she decided to leave her job and try to build a career at home as a writer. I wanted her to do it, but once she was at home, things were different.

Previously, she had worked for a stock brokerage right around the corner from my office. We used to have lunch at least once a week, go out for drinks with friends once or twice a month and even hit a hotel room now and then on a Friday night. I loved the way she looked in a suit or skirt and the way she was such a go-getter at work. I found the whole thing very attractive.

Once she started working at home, though, she stopped dressing up, spending most of her days in sweats and tee shirts. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a beautiful woman either way, but I did miss her all dressed up and looking so polished.

I’m not saying I was bored with my wife because she didn’t dress up anymore, because there was more to it. We also seemed to have less and less to talk about. When we were both in the same industry, we had a lot of work-related conversation and debate, which was fun.

Talking About It Was the Hardest Part

I had heard more than one man justify cheating by saying, “My wife is boring”, as though that were an excuse. I started to get scared that being bored of my wife was going to lead me into something I really didn’t want. I was bored of my wife, but I wasn’t interested in ending my marriage or hurting her.

I finally decided that I needed to talk to Laura about it. Getting up the courage to do it was the hardest part of the whole thing. She did take it very hard and things were very tense for a few days until I suggested we go seek a marriage counseling alternative.

The Sessions Helped Me See Why I Was Bored With My Wife

Obviously, I didn’t immediately start sharing about why I thought I was bored of my wife. However, we did eventually get to that topic before the end of our first session. I think we were both surprised when we realized that not only get past it, but we could easily overcome it in the future.

We started talking to each other about the issue in ways that weren’t harsh or hurtful. I was really surprised to hear that she had her own struggles with self-esteem and feeling less attractive and interesting since she’d started working at home. I was also surprised, but almost relieved, to hear that she was feeling bored with me, too. Not since the changes, but before!

The Help Wasn’t Hard to Take At All

Once we got that out in the open, we really started to figure out what we were doing wrong (because we were both oblivious) and how to fix it. After we started making progress, it actually was fun.

My wife also started dressing up a bit-still casual, but nicer-and not just for me, but for herself. She felt sexier, so she acted more sexually confident again, too.

Now, almost seven months later, I get a little rush every time I come home.

I urge you to give Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel a try. It worked for us and I’m confident that your relationship can benefit as well.

It’s even free to get started. All you need to do is scroll up to the top of the page and fill out the request form for your first lesson (that’s what got us started).

 

Go to the main page of the Marriage Max blog

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Bored With Husband

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Mort Fertel

How I Went from Being Bored With My Husband to Falling In Love

How I went from bored to falling in love with my husband

I hesitated to contribute my story to this blog because I thought that I would be too embarrassed to admit that I sought counseling because I was bored with my husband.

To tell you the truth, it was my husband who talked me into doing this guest post.  What really convinced me was the fact that there are probably a lot of women reading this who have secretly said, “My husband is boring and I’m tempted to leave or look elsewhere.”

My name’s Helen Grontz. Keep reading to learn more about what my husband and I did to rekindle our marriage and how it can work for you.

My Husband Was Great, but I Was Getting Bored in My Marriage

I started realizing that I was becoming bored in my marriage about two years ago, right after we had our twins.

My husband was wonderful, really, coming home right after work and staying home on weekends just to hang out with the babies. I guess that I started to see him as just a father, and not as the sexy, fun man I fell in love with. It didn’t help that I knew he was behaving exactly the way most people (including me) would say he should. I started heaping a lot of guilt onto myself for being bored with my husband when he was being the perfect daddy.

Feeling bad about being bored in my marriage just seemed to add to the problem. Because I felt guilty, I started feeling angry. I even resented Rob for not being what I needed right then or for not seeing that I needed anything other than a perfect father for my girls.

I Could See That Being Bored With My Husband Was Dangerous

Eventually, I realized that the way I was feeling was going to get us into a lot of trouble if we didn’t fix it. I decided to try a marriage program that my sister and her husband had used about 2 years ago.

I didn’t talk to my husband about using the program and I didn’t want him to go with me, because I really felt that I was the problem.  I also felt scared that I’d have to come out and say, “My husband is boring me.”

Getting Help Wasn’t As Hard As I Expected

Even with my sister’s glowing recommendation, I was extremely nervous about using a marital program at first.  I think I expected condemnation or at least disapproval to be evident as I made my way through. Of course, that was my own guilt talking.

My decision to follow through he program began to help me to put things in perspective by myself at first. It helped me understand that what I was feeling was natural; that we had gone from being a young couple that went out to dinner a lot, went dancing and traveled to a couple of parents and that this transition is hard for a lot of parents, especially when they haven’t been married very long.

I also began to figure out that the weight I hadn’t lost yet was also part of my problem; that I saw Rob’s transition to a devoted dad as an alternative to being the lover of his overweight wife. Once I really saw where my feelings were coming from, I talked to Rob and he was scared and hurt at first, but very willing to come to counseling with me. The counseling helped us to work out ways to keep the romance and the “couplehood” in our marriage while we grew into parenthood.

I’m so glad that I got help when I did, rather than continuing to be bored with my husband and possibly doing something to damage my marriage.

So if you want the kind of help that I received then you need to sign up free for Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel. The form is at the top of the page and you receive the first lesson for free.

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Insecurity in Marriage

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Mort Fertel

How I Conquered Insecurity in Our Marriage

insecurity in marriage

My name is Monica Dewhurst and until about six months ago, I was seriously worried that I was going to destroy my own marriage.

I’ve been married for twelve years to my college sweetheart and before we got married, I never would have expected to have issues with insecurity in marriage, but I did and they became a very serious problem.

I really appreciate the opportunity to share my experience with other women who are having problems with trust issues in a relationship, because I could have used this information myself a long time ago.

Keep reading to learn more about what I discovered and how it may be able to help you.

I Never Expected to Have This Problem

I love my husband dearly and never worried about coping with jealousy until he took a job four years ago that required him to travel most of the month. I had, in the past, had to work on overcoming insecurity occasionally, since my husband is a very friendly, attractive man who appeals to women.

He never flirted or gave me any reason to be suspicious, but when he attracted a woman just a little too much at a party or some other occasion, it made me really uncomfortable. When he started traveling, though, I was surprised at how insecure it made me feel and it just seemed to get worse. I didn’t know how to have a successful marriage while coping with jealousy that was so overwhelming.

When he started dreading all the questions when he got home, we decided to seek help. I didn’t know how to get over this jealousy on my own and he didn’t know how to help me.

I Finally Realized Where It Came From

We found a really wonderful marriage counseling program that didn’t make me feel like I was crazy and didn’t make my husband feel responsible for my feelings. Over the course of about four months, I used the program about once a week and we used it together once a month when my husband was home.

The program helped me to see that my insecurity in marriage wasn’t based on reality. It helped me to understand that my trust issues in a relationship came from my own parents’ divorce and the fact that my father had had several affairs while he had traveled on business.

Once I understood why I was having such a hard time with my insecurity in marriage, I was able to learn how to have a successful marriage in spite of it.

Fighting Fear with Reality

Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a very emotional situation, it’s hard to see past the emotion to the root of the problem. A marriage counseling program helped me to do that.

Part of getting over fear is to get a really good look at the thing you’re afraid of.  It’s kind of like those haunted houses you go through on Halloween; you’re more afraid of the unseen. Once the boogie man jumps out, he’s not really all that scary.

For me, the boogie man wasn’t some unknown woman who might steal my husband while he was away; it was the memory of how having a traveling husband had been a very hurtful and disastrous situation for my mom.

Getting Better All the Time

I am very happy to say that my marriage is now much stronger and that I’ve learned ways to nip those jealous feelings in the bud when they try to pop up every now and then. It happens less and less often and when it does, I’m able to analyze it, see it for what it is and then toss it out.

If you’re going through a similar situation, I really encourage you to use Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel, even if you have to do it alone. To get started, simply fill out the form at the top of the page and you’ll get the first course for free.

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Responsibilities In Marriage

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Mort Fertel

How We Learned to Handle Responsibilities in Marriage

responsibilities in a marriage

My husband Jeff and I were having a lot of arguments about our responsibilities in marriage. My name is Gina Pruitt and I just recently went through a few months of a marriage program because my husband and I felt that it was becoming a serious problem that actually threatened our marriage.

We knew we needed help to resolve our issues. Seeking advice was the best thing that we could have done and I’m really happy that I was invited to share our story with other couples.

Keep reading and I’ll show you what made us realize we were in trouble and how we handled it.

We Never Actually Decided Our Responsibilities in the Marriage

When we started using the program, the first thing we realized was that we never actually divided up or agreed on the responsibilities in marriage.Our responsibilities just sort of fell into a pattern and that had become the main source of our problems.

My husband has always been really good at managing finances, so after we got married I just sort of felt that since he knew how to handle finances, he should. It never really occurred to me that he might not enjoy being the only one who had to deal with managing the finances. And, since I wasn’t really good at handling bills, he never suggested I share the duties.

What made it worse was that he made some buying decisions I didn’t really agree with and we ended up racking up some debts that created a hardship. All of the things I’ve read about the dangers of marriage and debt are completely true; I was really resentful of the payments and this created a lot of tension.

Finding a Middle Ground Was The Answer for Us

Once the program helped us see that it was important for us to more fairly divide our responsibilities in marriage, we worked on finding a good middle ground. Even though the handling the finances and bill paying were still primarily my husband’s responsibilities, I took charge of organizing all of the paperwork and also took over filing our taxes online, which my husband hated doing.

In return for sharing this role, he agreed that we would have to unanimously agree to any purchase over $200. This one step alone went a long way toward strengthening our marriage and debt is no longer a problem for us.

Now We’re Working Together, Too

One interesting change we didn’t really think about or expect is that we’re actually spending more time together handling our money. My husband is teaching me how to handle finances better and I’m teaching him how to search out the best deals and be patient when buying things.

It probably doesn’t sound like that much fun, but we are actually enjoying learning from each other instead of working against each other.

Marriage Counseling Can Help With Any Marital Problem

Before we had these issues, I always thought of marriage programs as something for couples with problems like infidelity or abuse. Now that we’ve been through a marriage program ourselves, I realize that seeking help is a real solution for couples that are having any kind of trouble in their relationship. I’m sure that if we have different problems in the future, we would both be very quick to suggest going back to our marriage counselor for some sound and practical advice.

If you’re having issues, whether it’s with marital responsibilities or anything else, I would really recommend Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel. I think it saved us years of resentment and arguing.

So, take the first step (that’s the hardest part) and sign up for the program. You can get started by filling out the form at the top of the screen and you’ll get your first lesson for free. If you don’t like it, find another alternative! But I urge you—do something before it’s too late!

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Emotional Needs In Marriage

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Mort Fertel

How We Prepared to Handle Emotional Needs in Marriage

emotional needs marriage

Seeking a marriage advice helped my husband and I to better handle emotional needs in our marriage….before we actually got married. It was a great experience and we’re both convinced that going through it was an incredibly smart decision.

My name is Serena Witt and I’m really happy that I was given this chance to tell other couples about how we solved our marital issues and how you can do the same!

Planning Ahead, Accidentally

Kyle and I are both twenty-four and we got married last year, straight out of college. Because we knew we were young and that the divorce statistics were against us, we were really open to a suggestion from a friend that we get some kind of pre-marital counseling.

We were still looking for some kind of marriage advice when Kyle saw an ad for an online marriage program by Mort Fertel.The program wasn’t premarital counseling, but it did it touch on understanding and handling your spouse’s emotional needs in marriage and that really intrigued us.

We’ve seen plenty of magazine articles and talk shows talking about how to fall back in love and how to make your spouse love you, and we both thought that we’d need that during our relationship.  Now that we’ve gone through the program, however, we know that problems can be lurking closer than you think.

We Learned How to Love Effectively

The program really struck me on the first night. It brought up issues like “loving effectively”, which was about not only understanding each person’s emotional needs in marriage, but also know how to communicate better with your spouse to make your own needs understood.

Once you know how to communicate better with your spouse, you can effectively act on what you hear and say. That made perfect sense to us and we actually had a lot of fun with some really cool communication exercises they used to help us see how well we really listened to each other and how well we conveyed our thoughts and feelings.

We Learned about the Different Types of Romance

I’ve always thought that feeling loved was one of the most important emotional needs in marriage, but one of the things we learned at the workshop was that feeling valued was separate from feeling loved. This is also one of the first needs to sort of fall by the wayside after you get married.

That program illustrated how romancing your wife is great, but all the flowers and candy won’t work if she doesn’t feel valued and needed as a partner. It also showed us that of all the ways to love your husband, the most important one was making him feel respected and needed. All of this stuff was common sense, in a way, but not anything that we’d ever really thought seriously about with emotional needs in our marriage.

So Far, So Very Good

Now that we’ve been married for almost a year, Kyle and I both think that the marriage program really helped us to start our marriage with a much better chance of staying married for life.

A lot of newlyweds go into marriage with wonderful, romantic, but naïve ideas about what makes a marriage strong and what keeps a couple in love. We were pretty much the same way, but Mort Fertel’s program really helped us to see the more practical side of romance; that love is something you work on every day and that working at it doesn’t make it any less wonderful.

So, if you’re ready to start a strong marriage or you want to strengthen your relationship, then I urge you to try Marriage Fitness. It helped us and I know it can help you. To get started, all you need to do is fill out the form at the top of the page and you’ll get the first lesson for free.

I think we have a great chance of celebrating our fiftieth wedding anniversary.

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How to Strengthen a Marriage

Posted on December 19, 2011 by mf

How to Strengthen a Marriage

Hi, my name is Adina Ohana. As a guest blogger for the Marriage Counseling Blog, I am often asked how to strengthen a marriage. There are so many helpful strategies for strengthening your marriage. This article will give you some great and easy-to-apply tips on how to strengthen a marriage.

I recently received an email from a woman named Jenny. The main issue in her marriage was time management.

She and her spouse had difficulty making time for each other or any of the big goals they had for themselves. They were caught up in their children’s activities and day-to-day necessities. They simply forgot to prioritize each other.

Time Management Skills Can Strengthen a Marriage

Time management in a marriage can be really difficult.

We might need to change the way we look at time. I recently heard time compared to money. We have 86,400 seconds in a day. Now imagine if that were our daily budget in dollars. Picture walking into the bank every morning only to find out your balance was $86,400 dollars. And it was yours to do whatever you’d like with. The only catch is that whatever you do not use by the next day is discarded of. There are no rollover balances. You can’t catch up the next day. It is what it is. You have $86,400 dollars for that day only.

You would make sure to withdraw every last penny, right? You would maximize every dollar. You would take advantage of it!

That’s what you need to do with time. You are given this precious gift of 86,400 seconds EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT FAIL. Utilize them! Maximize their potential!

How Are You Spending The Time You Have?

Now let’s focus on Jenny specifically. She had a plan. She even had a planner. She had daily goals. The issue was with sticking to them.

So here’s how to strengthen your marriage using time management. First, try to figure out what you are doing with your time instead. Are you wasting time with TV? Television really eats up time and it is so important to eliminate it. If that’s not possible, you can always unplug it and just plug it in when you absolutely “need it”.

Maybe it’s not television. Maybe it’s the order in which you are accomplishing your tasks. You mentioned you get the small yet necessary tasks out of the way. It sounds like there are some large goals that may not be as urgent or necessary and you have not yet had time for them.

Re-Prioritize Your Daily Tasks

So why not reverse your priorities? You know you’ll get the necessary stuff done. You have in the past and you seem pressured to do so. Try tackling your big goals first. Are you working on writing a book? Do it first thing in the morning. Redecorating the house? Set aside a couple of hours in the morning to do that BEFORE you tackle your daily essential tasks.

In the case of your marriage, a “big goal” might even be a date with your spouse. You may have gotten in the habit of pushing off your dates until the evening. For some couples, that might work. For others, you may be tired by the end of the day and just request a rain check. If that sounds like you, try scheduling a morning date with your spouse.

Making Room for Your Spouse

You may have heard this great example about time management in the form of filling a jar. If you put large rocks in a jar and fill it to the top, it may appear full, but there is always more room. You can add gravel, shake around the jar, and it will appear full once again. But there’s still more room… At that point you can add sand. And after that, you can STILL add water.

The ONLY way this is possible though, is too add the big rocks first.

So add your big rocks first. Take care of your big goals, your marriage, and then fill in the rest of the day’s cracks with your basic goals. By prioritizing your spouse you will truly strengthen your marriage.

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Christian Marriage Retreats In Colorado

Posted on December 19, 2011 by mf

Christian Marriage Retreats In Colorado

My name is Brittany and as a guest blogger for the Marriage Counseling Blog, I wanted to review Christian Marriage Retreats in Colorado. Many couples seek advice and marriage counseling from their church. In this event, these couples usually sign up for a Christian marriage retreat. There are several Christian marriage retreats, but they do not compare to the Christian marriage retreats in Colorado. A lot of marriage retreats in Colorado provide individual solutions for union issues while creating a new beginning for couples.

Can a Marriage Retreat Retreat help your marriage?

A marriage can become quite complex and frustrating. When a couple seeks the assistance of Christian marriage retreats in Colorado, they would be offered support, care and close friends. Every marriage endures some form of stress and strain, but Christian marriage retreats in Colorado are here to help.

When a couple receives marital guidance while at a Christian marriage retreat in Colorado, they will be able to find and relight the spark within their marriage and get to know each other again.

Why Marriages Fall Apart

A marriage can drift apart for several different reasons, and a couple may not be aware of how to cope with the challenges they face. The two most common reasons for a marriage falling apart is a lack of communication and not enough time to enjoy being a couple.

Common ground is very important in any relationship and should be obtained before the relationship gets serious. Married couples tend to have issues here because of the lack of communication. Most of the time, couples are not ready to retire and their schedules conflict. As people age, their habits, moods, and personalities also change. This is one of the greatest reasons why communication is very critical.

When couples attend these retreats, not only do they spice up their marriage, but they also get to know their partner and spend quality time. These retreats have helped thousands of couples who thought that they had hit rock bottom and that there was nothing else that they could do. It is never too late to revive a marriage and regain any feelings or the partner that may have been lost.

Many couples find that they are drifting apart due to infidelity and other acts of dishonesty. Although these acts of dishonesty cause a terrible strain on marriages, this can be overcome and handled in matters of forgiveness. Although this is the leading cause of divorce and separation among couples, there are other contributing factors. The economy has also put a strain on many couple’s relationship, but this too can be overcome, dealt with and forgiven.

How a Marriage Retreat Can Save Your Marriage

These Christian retreats offer more than advice and guidance for couples who are struggling and heading towards divorce. Many couples find that attending these retreats help them in more ways than one; leaving their relationship better than ever before. There is never a situation too major or minor that can’t be fixed and put in the past. These retreats are in place to help couples with their marriage and provide them with solutions that they can use on a daily in order to help their relationship grow and prosper.

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What I’ve Learned about Marriage Accountability

Posted on December 19, 2011 by mort

What I’ve Learned about Marriage Accountability

My name is Wendy Simon and my husband Mark and I went through a marriage workshop earlier this year to learn about marriage accountability; both what it means and how to get it. We are both so glad that we made the decision to seek help and I was thrilled to be asked to share our experience with other couples who may be having issues with marriage accountability.

Marriage accountability is about being honest and open with each other, but it’s also about roles and responsibilities and the division of labor in marriage and those two areas were what we were struggling with. We’ve been married for six years and have two children, ages four and two. It was when our two-year old son was born that we really started having marital problems.

A Change in Roles Created Unexpected Problems

We made a decision that I would leave my career as an ER nurse to stay home with our kids and that was a move that I was really excited to make. My husband was extremely supportive of my desire to be a stay at home Mom and was more than happy to shoulder the financial responsibilities, which can be of the most stressful marriage duties. I really appreciated his willingness to be our sole support, but we did run into trouble pretty quickly after I left my job.

When we were both working, we seemed to have a pretty fair division of labor in our marriage, but once I was home, I started feeling that I was carrying more than my fair share of the household chores and sometimes even the caregiving of our kids. While Mark has always been an involved Dad, it seemed like he was using his fulltime job as a reason to leave the evening caregiving duties to me, such as bathing the kids and getting them into bed. I also seemed to be doing more of the housework during the week, while we had been taking turns pretty evenly when I was working.

A One Week Workshop Resolved Our Issues

It became such an issue for us and such a frequent sore spot, that we decided to look into some workshops on marriage accountability that we had seen in the paper. It was probably one of the best decisions we’d ever made as a couple and we’re both so glad we made that decision before things got out of hand.

In the workshops, the counselors did some talking, but they also used role playing and other types of exercises (some of them actually pretty fun) to help us learn how to define our roles and responsibilities and find ways to divide the marriage duties so that we were both happy.

We Should Have Done This First!

We had pre-marital counseling before our wedding, but I really wish more had been said about marriage accountability. I think it’s an important topic for young couples to address before they get married. We’re thrilled with the results that we’ve gotten, but we wish we had gone to a workshop like this six years ago!

 

Go from What I’ve Learned about Marriage Accountability to blog

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Counseling Taught Us How to Have a Healthy Marriage

Posted on December 19, 2011 by mort

Counseling Taught Us How to Have a Healthy Marriage

My name is Melissa Frankel and I’m really happy to have the opportunity to share my story of how counseling really helped my husband and I learn how to have a healthy marriage with their thoughtful and realistic guidance and relationship advice.

We Needed to Learn How to Have a Healthy Marriage

My husband Greg and I have been married for thirteen years and have four great kids, so we had a hard time at first with realizing that we were getting off track in our marriage. We were in good shape, but not great. We realized that we were so focused on maintaining our family that we had lost sight of maintaining our marriage. In the beginning of our marriage, before we had our first daughter, we were really focused on building our relationship, but kids really changed that focus. By the time our fourth child was born, we had really lost the romance and excitement.

We picked up a few books on how to have a healthy marriage and while they had some good tips for a healthy marriage and some relationship advice that seemed doable, we didn’t really follow through. About a year ago, we decided we needed more one-on-one help to show us how to have a healthy marriage while raising four kids, working and meeting all of the other obligations of a busy life.

Counseling Was Easier Than We Expected

We had some real concerns about getting marriage counseling. I think we expected it to be a lot more confrontational or tedious than it was. We loved each other and rarely argued, so we were a little afraid that instead of getting tips for a healthy marriage and help in building our romantic relationship again, we’d end up with issues we didn’t already have.

We were worried for no reason, though, because the whole process was actually pretty relaxed and even fun sometimes.  The counselor didn’t try to make more out of our problems than they were and was focused is exactly on what we needed: advice about building our romantic life back up and practical things we needed to know about how to have a healthy marriage now and for years to come.

We Actually Enjoyed the Process

We did spend a lot of time talking and answering questions, but we also did things like role playing and games that made us laugh but also helped us communicate better and learn more about what was going on in each other’s heads.

We actually looked forward to our weekly counseling, because it was a chance to focus on our relationship instead of being so caught up in daily life and responsibilities. We laughed, we had a few surprises and we learned some things about each other that we didn’t know, even after thirteen years. It not only helped us, it made our relationship more exciting.

Now Our Marriage is Healthier Than Ever

We still go to a couples group once a month, but we no longer do the weekly counseling. We feel stronger than ever, laugh a lot more often and definitely are healthier sexually. We’ve started going on nice dates twice a month and even took a grown-ups only vacation last month while the kids were at camp.

Marriage counseling isn’t just for people who feel like their marriage is in serious trouble. It’s for anyone who wants to know how to have a healthy marriage for life.

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How We Kept Marriage Complications From Ending Our Marriage

Posted on December 19, 2011 by mort

How We Kept Marriage Complications from Ending Our Marriage

My name is Kristin Woodruff and about a year ago I was sure that my marriage was in serious trouble. I was very worried that if we didn’t get help, several marriage complications were going to mean the end of my six-year marriage.  We did get help, though, through a local marriage counselor, and I’m really glad that I have the opportunity to share how their guidance helped to save my marriage.

We Were Surprised That We Had Issues

My husband Rich and I got married right after college, against the advice of some family and friends who felt we were too young. We were very much in love and we were a little naïve, since we were positive that being in love and being great friends meant that we wouldn’t have a lot of issues. The first few years were great, but after the birth of our son, Micah, we started having problems agreeing on priorities, goals and responsibilities.

After a while, this really built up some resentment in both of us and we started to argue a lot and we also started having sex a lot less frequently. By last year, we were talking about separation. That was when I knew that we needed some professional guidance if we were going to find some real solutions to these marriage complications that were driving us apart.  I very much wanted to save my marriage and I was so relieved when Ron agreed to get help.

We Were Relieved That Our Problems Were Very Common Problems

The first thing that really helped us was just finding out that the issues we were having were all very common problems for young couples who had just had a child.  That alone really helped us to feel that what we were going through was normal and that it didn’t mean we were doomed to get a divorce.

Most of the issues we had started with communication when it came to responsibilities and expectations. With the counselor’s help, I realized that I had a history of just expecting Rich to help me in certain areas without actually being asked. This led to me feeling let down and also feeling like Rich didn’t care. The counselor helped me see that Rich needed some guidance from me to know what I needed. Otherwise, he busied himself with things that he thought were important.

For instance, I really needed Rich to take Micah off my hands for an hour or so in the evenings, so that I could take a shower, unwind a little bit or have some grown-up conversation with a friend. Rich would come home and see that the laundry needed folding or the dog needed to go for a walk, and he felt he was helping me by going right to those things. Of course, he was helping, but it wasn’t the help I needed most. Once I understood that he was doing the best he could without better communication from me, I appreciated much more the things that he had been doing. The counselor then helped us to improve the way we communicated with each other.

Everything Started to Fall into Place

This wasn’t the only advice that helped save my marriage. The complications we faced because of poor communication had led to a real distance romantically, and the counselor gave us some realistic solutions for getting our sex life back on track. Once we realized that both of us were still committed to keeping our marriage together, getting our romantic life back in gear became pretty easy. It wasn’t instant, but it did happen.

I can’t recommend counseling enough to anyone who is going through their own marriage complications.  I would not have been able to save my marriage on my own, because I was too hurt and scared to see our marriage complications for what they really were.  Getting counseling made it possible for us to be where we are now; strong, happy and expecting our second child.

Posted in How to save a marriage, How to save my marriage, How to save your marriage, Marriage Problems, Save my marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off

Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?

Posted on December 15, 2011 by mf

Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?

Hi, my name is Joshua. As a guest blogger for the Marriage Counseling Blog, I wanted to lend my opinion on whether or not marriage counseling works. When a couple comes together they have the challenge of blending two personalities into a working relationship. At times there are rough spots that come up that challenge the love that they have for each other. In some cases the challenges force a wedge into the relationship and drive the two people apart. In an effort to help the relationship some couples will reach out and ask for marriage counseling. It is during the marriage counseling process that people ask the question, “Does marriage counseling really work?”

The Answer

The question of does marriage counseling really work is one that demands an answer. Everything that the couple is seeking to happen with their marriage depends on the answer. In order for marriage counseling to really work there has to be effort from at least one person. For instance, if a couple sits before the counselor and listens intently, then they go home and no one of them practices what the counselor has suggested the counseling session may not work. As long as one person is unwilling to change, then there is still hope for reconciliation. There really needs to be effort from at least one person to make counseling beneficial to the marriage.

Communication in Your Marriage

The challenges that married couples face are issues that they can work through together. Marriage counseling is the process of helping two people work through differences that come between them and bringing them to the point that they realize marriage takes work to make it successful. One of the biggest obstacles for two people to overcome is the issue of communication. In every case the blending of two personalities into one harmonious relationship takes effort. The two people must communicate effectively in order to function correctly. When a husband fails time after time to inform his spouse about the state of the finances; there is the potential for an argument about money. The wife may feel left out because she never sees where the money goes and husband may not want to burden her with bad news of a shortage of funds. Good clear communication would have alleviated the problem by allowing each person to share concerns. By knowing how the other feels about certain things can help the couple work through the issue together and solve the problem.

The issue of does marriage counseling really work can also be understood from the point of view of both the couplet and the counselor. The couple comes to the first session with preconceived ideas and a certain skepticism that the methods of the counselor will not work. In order for the couple to see results they must be willing to try each assignment. From the viewpoint of the counselor he must be ready for when the couple arrives. If the counselor is not ready with plans for each session, then each session will end in failure. The couple will begin to get discouraged and may even quite the counseling altogether.

Does Marriage Counseling Work? It’s up to you!

The success of marriage counseling depends greatly on both parties working together for a mutual outcome. The couple has to be fully committed to each assignment and work together in order to grow closer together. The counselor must be prepared to guide the couple to the desired result. The desired result is what both partners want to see in the marriage. Everyone must work together toward that desired result to see 100% success. To answer the question of does marriage counseling really work, one must say that it depends on all parties working together. When they all work together they will find that the answer is yes, marriage counseling really does work.

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My Husband Wants a Divorce but I Don’t

Posted on December 15, 2011 by mf

My Husband Wants a Divorce but I Don’t

Hi, my name is Kimberly. As a guest blogger for the Marriage Counseling Blog, I wanted to share my story. Even though I knew my marriage wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t ready for what was to come. After five years of marriage, my husband wants a divorce but I don’t. It took me completely by surprise. The problems we experience aren’t anything major, and I always felt we could get through anything together. Now it appears that he doesn’t feel the same way I do and just wants to end things. However, I have convinced him to try a few things first.

Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling allows you to bring in a neutral third party who can help you talk through your problems and help you come up with solutions. After a few sessions, you should be able to see whether you are making progress or if your marriage is still heading down the road to divorce. During our counseling sessions, however, I realized that even if my husband wants a divorce, marriage counseling can help us work together after the divorce, especially in regard to the children. I’ve learned that marriage counseling can be helpful, even if you don’t stay together.

Trial Separation

Another important tool you can use to try to save your marriage, even if your spouse wants a divorce, is a trial separation. Even though my husband wants a divorce but I don’t, I agreed to a trial separation to see what it was like on the other side after divorce. During a trial separation, you both act as if you are divorced, or at least on the road toward it. You are able to live your separate lives and still keep the possibility of getting back together. In some cases, one person may want a divorce because the marriage has become stale. This often happens, but it doesn’t have to mean the end for your marriage. The purpose of the trial separation is to show your spouse what he will be missing. This is usually not successful but we were willing to try anything.

Date Each Other

It may sound strange to date each other when you are separated, but this can serve as a real turning point, especially if your marriage has grown stale. When I found out my husband wants a divorce and I asked him why, he felt that our marriage wasn’t exciting anymore and was too much work. When we separated, I suggested we date each other to try to rekindle what he felt we lost. This can also help when you feel as if you have grown apart over the years. Dating each other can help you get to know each other better again and remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.

Even though I’m not the one who wants a divorce, I have been willing to do whatever it takes to show my husband that he doesn’t have to give up. It can be difficult to convince someone if he has already made up his mind about getting a divorce, but it can be done with some effort. Maybe you won’t be able to convince him to remain married, but at least you will know that you made every effort to save your marriage before giving up.

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Does Marriage Counseling Save Marriages?

Posted on December 15, 2011 by mf

Does Marriage Counseling Save Marriages?

Hi, my name is Krysha. As a guest blogger for the Marriage Counseling Blog, I am often asked, “Does Marriage Counseling Save Marriages?” Marriage counseling is one of those things where some people are strong advocates for it and others are even more strongly opposed. Usually, the stance that someone takes on the subject has to do with past experience or what they’ve seen or heard from friends or family about their experiences with marriage counseling. But does marriage counseling save marriages?

To answer the question of “does marriage counseling save marriages” we need to look at how marriage counseling works, who the participants are, what roles they play, and what the usual outcomes of marriage counseling are.

Who is involved in Marriage Counseling?

The most obvious participants in marriage counseling is the married couple. The third person to be involved in marriage counseling is the marriage counselor. This can be a licensed social worker, a therapist, or even a psychiatrist. But knowing who is involved does not yet answer the question, “Does marriage counseling work?”

When Marriage Counseling Saves Marriages

As with most types of counseling or ‘talk treatment’, it can only work when the participants are willing and able to make it work. In the case of marriage counseling, there are two participants that need to be actively involved, and it can be much harder to get both of them on the same page regarding what needs to change. It’s even harder still to get them on the same page regarding how to change them.

It is best if both participants are willing to admit when they are wrong, willing to say they are sorry when they’ve said or done something wrong, and willing to say thank you when the other person has admitted and apologized for being wrong. Even harder than that is to have both participants willing to listen more than they talk so they can understand the root of the problems and how they got that way than just what is being argued about at the moment, since they can be two different things.

If these things can happen, from both people involved in the relationship, then the marriage counselor can be a source of support and leadership as they work out differences and re-learn how to communicate as a couple. If both participants want marriage counseling to work, then the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling save marriages,” is a resounding yes.

When Marriage Counseling Does Not Work

Unfortunately, there are times when marriage counseling just won’t work. In these instances, it is usually one or both of the participants in the couple that either don’t want to seek change for the marriage, don’t want outside help, or are already set on getting a divorce and don’t want the marriage to work. The reasons for these outlooks can vary significantly and they could be caused by anything from a lack of emotion or love in the relationship anymore or even being ashamed of having a problem with the relationship in the first place.

If both persons in the couple feel the same way, then the marriage is better off dissolved through divorce, but seeking therapy may help the divorce to go more smoothly and end more amicably than if done while both are arguing constantly. However, if one person really wants to save the marriage and the other doesn’t, then it can be hard for the one that does to come to terms with the fact the relationship will end. In this situation, it’s best to seek out individual therapy to help cope with the loss of the relationship and the love that, at one point, was shared.

So does marriage counseling save marriages? It depends on the relationship, the people involved, and how open they are to changing what has gone wrong in their relationship so they can get back to a positive relationship in which both members can grow and flourish. It’s important that both participants of a relationship who are going through marriage counseling to stay on the same page with each other and with their counselor so they can get the most out of their time spent with the trained professional that can help them communicate better both their love and affection, while solving the problems that got in the way of that.

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