All couples argue, including the healthiest and happiest spouses. At one time or another, most of them have caught themselves fighting in front of the kids. However, this can have have consequences far beyond the problem at hand.
Hi, my name is James and I am a guest blogger on Mort’s site. I would like to share with you my experience and advice on why fighting in front of the kids is never a good idea.
Understand, this discussion isn’t about debating which restaurant to visit or where the couch should go. The topic at hand is out and out fighting or a very heated disagreement.
What’s so wrong about fighting in front of the kids?
Who’s Watching Whose Words?
If your argument has escalated to the point that you’re openly fighting in front of the children, chances are good that your emotions are running pretty high. This isn’t a good state of mind to be in if you want to keep your words in check.
Often, we feel cornered when we’re engaged in a fight in front of others, especially when those others are our children. The temptation to bite back with an insult or accusation can be very great, even if the statement is something you only mean in the heat of the moment.
No child should hear insults about a spouse’s intelligence or suspicions about infidelity that were simply uttered out of anger or hurt.
Unfortunately, once that comment is made, it’s probably in your children’s minds for good. Even if you retract the statement later, when you’ve cooled down, your children are likely to believe that your original comment reflected your true feelings.
Too Much Information
Even if an argument begins over one issue, it’s likely to shift into other topics. You may not mind so much that your children know you don’t like your spouse’s best friend or that your spouse thinks you work too much.
However, if the argument escalates into how much your spouse drinks when out with his buddies or how infrequently you have sex, you’re overstepping the boundary lines of marital privacy.
Heated arguments rarely stay on one topic; beware of fighting in front of the kids about even minor problems-they may end up revealing information you never wanted your kids to have.
So what do you do if you find yourselves fighting in front of the children?
Resolve the Fight Even if You Can’t Resolve the Issue
Just as fighting in front of the kids can be very damaging, resolving that fight in front of the kids can be very constructive. Even if you can’t settle the matter, you can settle their minds and set an example of how loving couples deal with disagreements.
Stop the argument, acknowledge the feelings behind it and suggest a cooling off period before you sit down over a cup of coffee later to resolve the problem. Make an effort to ease any tension and, if possible, manage a smile or hug.
Unresolved conflict between parents is scary even for older children. They don’t worry so much about the actual issue, but they can get extremely anxious over the tension between you.
Let them see that you may not have settled the issue, but you are going to work together to handle it.
Love Means Always Having to Say You’re Sorry
If you do unintentionally find yourselves fighting in front of the kids, be sure you apologize to each other and apologize to the kids.
You don’t have to resolve the conflict to repair the damage of fighting in front of the children. Not only do your kids need to hear it, but you and your spouse do, too.
There’s a good chance that one or both of you has been embarrassed by things said. Soothing hurt feelings now will better your chances of resolving the issue peacefully later.
Even the healthiest and most loving marriages have conflict. How you deal with that conflict will have a much bigger impact on your kids, both positive and negative, than any problems you may face.
Working Towards a Resolution
For some couples, the conflict that leads to fighting in front of the kids is one that can resurface time after time, pulling both you and your partner into a never-ending war of words. If you want to go beyond just patching things ups until the next eruption of anger, then you may need to seek the help of a professional.
Asking for help is one of the hardest things that a person can do. Fortunately, you’ve already taken that step by reading this. You’re actively putting in the work for a better future and that kind of determination is exactly what you need to repair a damaged relationship.
So if you’re ready to take it one step further with a powerful marriage counseling tool that can help save your marriage, then please try Marriage Fitness.
Already, countless couples from all over the world have found tremendous success using the program, and now I want you to give it a try.
It’s fast, effective, and it can even be done without a partner. To get started, you can click here or scroll to the top of the page and fill out the form and I’ll immediately send you my first e-course “7 Secrets for Saving Your Marriage” for FREE.
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