Growing Apart in Marriage: What to Do About It
It’s extremely common for couples to complain that they feel they are growing apart in marriage. Time spent apart is a very healthy component of a strong marriage; feeling apart is not. It’s important to identify that issue, acknowledge its importance and then take steps to change it, before growing apart in marriage leads to the end of the relationship itself.
Hi, my name is Lauren and I’d like to share the lessons I’ve learned in marriage with you.
If you’ve been feeling that you’re growing apart in marriage, it may be better to take the steps below without saying anything, rather than discussing the problem with your spouse.
Many spouses, particularly husbands, tend to be less than excited about anything that smacks of “working on the marriage”. Unless you’ve already had a discussion about the issue, it may be best to try a few steps to correct it without actually discussing it.
Get Interested In Each Other’s Interests…..Again
You may well remember that in the beginning of your relationship, you tried to get interested or maybe did get interested in your spouse’s hobbies and interests. In the throes of love, it just seemed more exciting.
The fact is, showing some interest in or appreciation for your spouse’s hobbies can make them feel more interesting, too. Ask your spouse to teach you how to play tennis or to take you along on the next fishing trip. Invite your spouse to come with you to your spinning class or on your next hike. You never know; you may find a new common ground. As a bonus, you’ll find a way to spend time together.
Spend Time as A Couple Every Week
One of the most common reasons people feel they are growing apart in marriage is that they spend time together as a family, or as parents, but spend little time together as a couple. Having a date night is a great way to get out of that rut, but it isn’t the only way. Try having a cup of coffee in the evening, where anything kid-related is a forbidden topic. Work out together in the morning or go for a walk together. Enjoy a slow dance in the living room after the kids have gone to bed. For people who have been intimately connected, it doesn’t take much to spark that connection again and remind you that you were a couple before you had kids and will be a couple after the kids are grown and gone.
As simple a thing as laughter may be, it can bring two people together very effectively. The lack of laughter can also be a very small symptom of growing apart in a marriage. Without shared laughter, you may begin to feel that your mate just isn’t that much fun anymore. Laughter has also been medically proven to relieve stress and any couple could use some time relieving stress together. Share some jokes, send each other funny emails and pictures or rent a comedy to watch together on a weekend evening. Better yet, engage your mate in a surprise tickle fight, pillow fight or water balloon war. It may sound silly, but it could be just what you need.
Feeling that you’re growing apart in marriage is a fairly common thing. Lasting love isn’t the same thing as falling in love. Lasting love ebbs and flows and the heart-pounding sensations of falling in love are only the precursor to a calmer, yet more deeply satisfying sense of belonging and partnership.
So, if you want ideas and feel that you’re ready to reach outside of your comfort zone, I urge you to try Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel.
It’s easy to get started—just fill out the box at the top of the page—you’ll receive the first lesson for free. I’m not afraid to admit my relationship needed it, but I know that we couldn’t have gotten out of our rut in any other way.