How I Conquered Insecurity in Our Marriage
My name is Monica Dewhurst and until about six months ago, I was seriously worried that I was going to destroy my own marriage.
I’ve been married for twelve years to my college sweetheart and before we got married, I never would have expected to have issues with insecurity in marriage, but I did and they became a very serious problem.
I really appreciate the opportunity to share my experience with other women who are having problems with trust issues in a relationship, because I could have used this information myself a long time ago.
Keep reading to learn more about what I discovered and how it may be able to help you.
I Never Expected to Have This Problem
I love my husband dearly and never worried about coping with jealousy until he took a job four years ago that required him to travel most of the month. I had, in the past, had to work on overcoming insecurity occasionally, since my husband is a very friendly, attractive man who appeals to women.
He never flirted or gave me any reason to be suspicious, but when he attracted a woman just a little too much at a party or some other occasion, it made me really uncomfortable. When he started traveling, though, I was surprised at how insecure it made me feel and it just seemed to get worse. I didn’t know how to have a successful marriage while coping with jealousy that was so overwhelming.
When he started dreading all the questions when he got home, we decided to seek help. I didn’t know how to get over this jealousy on my own and he didn’t know how to help me.
I Finally Realized Where It Came From
We found a really wonderful marriage counseling program that didn’t make me feel like I was crazy and didn’t make my husband feel responsible for my feelings. Over the course of about four months, I used the program about once a week and we used it together once a month when my husband was home.
The program helped me to see that my insecurity in marriage wasn’t based on reality. It helped me to understand that my trust issues in a relationship came from my own parents’ divorce and the fact that my father had had several affairs while he had traveled on business.
Once I understood why I was having such a hard time with my insecurity in marriage, I was able to learn how to have a successful marriage in spite of it.
Fighting Fear with Reality
Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a very emotional situation, it’s hard to see past the emotion to the root of the problem. A marriage counseling program helped me to do that.
Part of getting over fear is to get a really good look at the thing you’re afraid of. It’s kind of like those haunted houses you go through on Halloween; you’re more afraid of the unseen. Once the boogie man jumps out, he’s not really all that scary.
For me, the boogie man wasn’t some unknown woman who might steal my husband while he was away; it was the memory of how having a traveling husband had been a very hurtful and disastrous situation for my mom.
Getting Better All the Time
I am very happy to say that my marriage is now much stronger and that I’ve learned ways to nip those jealous feelings in the bud when they try to pop up every now and then. It happens less and less often and when it does, I’m able to analyze it, see it for what it is and then toss it out.
If you’re going through a similar situation, I really encourage you to use Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel, even if you have to do it alone. To get started, simply fill out the form at the top of the page and you’ll get the first course for free.
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