My name is Melissa and until six months ago, I was just another wife sighing and thinking, “My husband doesn’t respect me!” But then, after 13 years of just dealing with it, my husband and I finally made a change!
I didn’t think my husband, Herb, and I had a bad marriage. Everything started out great, and then as time passed things quickly changed.
We went from best friends to a bitter married couple. We started to fight incessantly. At least I tried to. Herb would just ignore me. Turn up the tv. Leave the room. Go outside and smoke.
But now things are different. We talk. We laugh. We have fun! Want to know how we restored the respect in our marriage?
Want to learn where we went wrong and how we got back on track!?
Discover 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage
How I Lost Respect in Marriage
Herb and I got married young. I was 19, and we only dated for 4 months when he proposed. Before I knew it I went from a teenager in high school to a wife. But those were some of our happiest times.
As we got older things began to change.
As my husband worked more and more he began to talk with me less and less. A simple conversation seemed like a burden to him. That’s when I started picking fights just to get a reaction out of him.
Really, I just wanted some attention. A passionate conversion. I didn’t care if it was negative.
As you can guess, this strategy never worked. But I still tried off and on for the last 10 years or so. Eventually my husband started to fight back—but not in the way that I wanted. He became passive aggressive, muttering things under his breath. I just wanted a conversation—any conversation. Now I was thinking, “My husband is mean!”
We both became spiteful, and my husband completely lost respect for me. Now he didn’t want to talk because he didn’t know how I would react. Would I fight with him? Would I be nice to him? Our marriage was spiraling out of control.
We Had Awful Communication Problems in Marriage
And then I found myself being left out of major financial decisions. My husband would come home with a new car, and I didn’t even know he was looking.
I felt so unimportant. This isn’t what we signed up for. We got married to share our lives together, not wear a ring and go our separate ways.
This needed to stop. One day I got so heated that I yelled at my husband for over an hour about his lack of respect for me. He stayed quiet and took the whole thing in a sort of daze. Then he said, “I can’t do this anymore. Want to know why we don’t talk? Because I’m afraid I’ll get a response like this.”
If We Wanted to Save Our Marriage We Had to Make A Change
I took his comment to heart. It tore me up inside. What started as a way for me to get a response from my husband, just ended up making him ignore me even more.
We needed help.
One night I went on the Internet and searched for “my husband doesn’t respect me.” I found an online alternative to marriage counseling and asked my husband if he would participate with me. To my surprise he said yes!
Within a week the program had us talking again. Within a month we stopped fighting as much. Six months later and it’s like we’re that young 19 year old married couple again.
What was the secret? Communication! I learned that as I became more and more frustrated with my husband, he became scared of me. He didn’t want to hear me yelling and screaming. Likewise, he learned that the reason I was becoming frustrated was because I felt disrespected.
As we continued with the online alternative to marriage counseling program, we really began to understand each other for the first time in our marriage. With the understanding came acceptance, tolerance, and a newfound love J.
I Wished We Had Done This Years Ago
I have no doubt that we were on the fast path to divorce before we enrolled in this counseling alternative program. At least it was on my mind.
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