My name is Audrey and I have a passive aggressive spouse.
Calvin and I have been married for seven years now, and the last few years have been so contentious that it seems like every day is a battle.
Some days, the house would be filled with the two of us arguing with each other while other days there would be a silence that was accompanied by the kind of tension that you can easily feel.
And even when things seem like they’ve calmed down, they really haven’t.
This is what it’s like to live with a passive aggressive spouse.
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His Behavior Created Nothing but Anger, Confusion, and Conflict
There were a lot of things going on with our marriage, but it didn’t all start at once.
See, Calvin and I both had good jobs but we both got laid off when the economy crashed. We managed to find jobs that, while they didn’t pay as well as were used to, they still made if possible for us to keep our home and the essentials that we needed.
Scaling back in the way that we had to in other areas took its toll, but we tried to make it work whatever way we could. Our situation was different, definitely, but we were going to have to cope with it.
After a while, things seemed to get slightly better.
For me, at least.
I managed to move up at my new company and was beginning to make a little more money. Calvin, on the other hand, was feeling stuck were he was, as he saw himself get passed over for a promotion that he was sure was a lock.
He would come home and lose himself in a bottle of beer, and I felt like we were growing apart because of it.
When I tried talking to him about it, he would simply ignore me or give blunt, vague answers. When I tried to comfort him, he would just play the victim and sulk around the house.
I left him alone, thinking he might get over it. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
As time passed, I began to realize more and more that I was dealing with a passive aggressive spouse when his behavior took a turn that was really starting to put a strain on our relationship.
Dealing with Passive Aggressive Behavior Was Almost Like Dealing with a Child
The instances were small at first, but only got worse.
One time, when I asked Calvin to do the dishes after dinner, he did them and mumbled under his breath the entire time.
Another time, during the weekend, I asked him to run a few errands and he put them off all day until I got frustrated and did them myself.
When I brought it up, he tried to make it seem like I was to controlling and that I was putting my needs before his.
When I told him that we both had responsibilities in our marriage, all he did was come up with reasons why he didn’t have to do the things I asked.
I eventually got angry and yelled at him. I didn’t mean to do it, it just kind of happened.
He slammed the door on his way out, and I spent the next two days worrying.
I didn’t know that having a passive aggressive spouse could eventually get this bad.
When the phone rang two days later, Calvin told me he was at a nearby hotel. We stayed on the phone for almost an hour before he decided to come home.
It was at the point that we knew something had to be done.
I Needed Marriage Counseling to Help with a Passive Aggressive Spouse
While trying to figure out where things went wrong and what I could do about it, I came across an alternative to traditional marriage counseling that talked about communication in marriage in marriage and how it was important to rebuilding a fractured relationship.
I convinced Calvin to try it, as opposed to traditional marriage, because the traditional route didn’t work for some other couples we had known who had trouble in the past.
I found that the emphasis on communication helped in working out problems with a passive aggressive spouse much better than I had imagined.
Through the methods taught by the counseling, Calvin realized that he was being a passive aggressive husband and revealed that his behavior was in part because of his frustration with how our lives had changed in the time since we both lost our original jobs.
I let him know that he wasn’t along in his struggle and that this was something we could work at together, as husband and wife.
Since finding this counseling Calvin is no longer a passive aggressive spouse and working together for the first time in a long time to address our problems the way a married couple is supposed to.
If you have problems with a passive aggressive husband and you want marriage counseling that can help, take my advice and fill out the information below. You’ll be glad you did.