Why Doesn’t My Husband Want Me

My name is Tanya and recently I found myself wondering: why doesn’t my husband want me anymore?

Elliot and I have been together for years but I’ve noticed that, over the past year our relationship has changed. It’s almost as if all of the heat and passion suddenly just disappeared.

By the time I realized what happened, I thought it might have been too late to actually do something about it.

Keep reading to learn more about the time I first asked myself why doesn’t my husband want me and what I did to try and repair our marriage.

Hopefully I will be able to help you if you have similar problems.

I Wish Marriage Problems Were More Apparent from the Start

If I had seen this coming earlier, I might have been able to prevent it from causing as much pain as it did. The fact that this snuck up on me the way that it did just made things worse.

It made me realize that a successful relationship needs constant attention and nurturing in order to survive.

When I first noticed things were going wrong, Elliot and I had been married for six years, but we had been together for almost thirteen.

Over the last year, it seem like our lives had been completely rearranged.

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I went back to school to become a veterinary assistant and Elliot took a new job. I loved school, even though it kept me busy, and Elliot was fitting in well at his new job and moving up fast.

We saw each other less often, but didn’t think much of it.

I should have seen this as the first sign that we were drifting apart.

Time passed and my courses were continuing to go well. Elliot got promoted to his job, and with that meant a lot of travel. Sometimes he would be gone for weeks.

We tried to do the long distance thing and I can’t lie, with him being gone so often for so long, I thought he might have been cheating on me. I often wondered if he thought the same thing about me.

Those thoughts grew even louder during the times he was home.

I first asked myself why doesn’t my husband want me anymore when I realized we would no longer make love.

From there, the energy just sort of dwindled and the divide between us grew. We definitely talked less and, when Elliot was home, I would either find myself spending time with friends or completely absorbed in my studies.

Sometimes, when he was home he would go out and I wouldn’t even bother to ask where he was or who he was with.

Had I given up? Did I just not care about our marriage anymore?

These questions started running through my head more and I would try to push them aside, thinking I could save my marriage on my own.

When I would try to initiate contact, Elliot would reject me. This happened a few times until I finally asked why.

That was when I learned my husband doesn’t love me.

But Why Doesn’t My Husband Want Me?

He said he feels like we don’t have what we used to. He told me he feels like we’re both completely different people than we were when we got together.

He didn’t desire me sexually and he wasn’t even sure he wanted me as a wife anymore.

Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt about the situation.

I felt lost, I felt like I had nothing to live for anymore.

Elliot said he didn’t love me anymore, but I felt like he said he hated me.

What led to these marriage problems? Could they be fixed?

Were they even worth fixing?

These questions ran through my head repeatedly for weeks, but I knew I had to do something about it, because it wasn’t going to resolve itself.

I was asking why my husband doesn’t want me, now I needed to ask what I could do to make him want me again.

Fixing the Problem Took a Lot of Work

I knew that traditional marriage counseling wouldn’t work. Elliot’s constant travel was just one of the many reasons why, but there were others.

I looked around and eventually found an alternative to marriage counseling that was online and adaptable to his schedule. I was impressed that it focused on communication in marriage and why it was essential to us being a happy couple.

Through the online marriage counseling program, Elliot and I learned that the physical distance caused our emotional distance because we allowed it to.

When he was gone, we didn’t take the time to talk to each other the way we should. I was so concerned with school that I helped contribute to our marriage withering.

In trying to figure out why my husband doesn’t want me, I learned that communication was important. With that communication came the kind of balance needed to keep a marriage, or any kind of relationship, healthy.

Mending our marriage is hard and we’re still working on it, but I know that we can get there thanks to this counseling alternative.

If you are facing a similar problem with a troubled marriage, please take the time to fill out the form below. Hopefully you too will find the help you need to get back on track.

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