My name is Mary Anne and I’ve been married to my husband, Sterling, for 23 years. Throughout almost my entire marriage, there’s been hardly a day that’s passed when I haven’t thought, Why is my husband so mean to me? I don’t deserve this.
I always told myself that I would stay with my husband for the sake of our only son. Well about a year ago he moved out on his own and I decided it was time to stand up for myself. I even spoke with an attorney about a divorce.
I wasn’t going to take any crap anymore.
Would you like to know how our marriage survived? I’ll tell you in my story below.
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My Husband Changed Slowly Overtime
Slowly over the course of our 23-year marriage, my husband began to change. Somewhere along the way, I like to say he lost his happy thought. When I met my husband he had a ton of friends, and was incredibly outgoing.
Ten years later he was a grumpy loner who just wanted to sit in his chair and watch television.
And, day-after-day, I put up with it. I learned to step lightly in my own home, for fear of throwing my husband into a temper. I wouldn’t say he had anger management issues. He was just a grump—a HUGE grump!
He most definitely was not the man I married. Again, I found myself constantly wondering, Why is my husband so mean to me?
Confronting My Husband Was Only the Start
So when my son moved out I began to stand up for myself. I told my husband that I want my life back—the life we had when we were first married and still happy. I let him know that if he wasn’t willing to change that I was in contact with a divorce attorney and ready to take action.
To say my husband was shocked was an understatement. He actually cried—something I’d never seen before. He said that he never meant to be an emotionally abusive husband. He wanted to make things better and promised me he would.
I gave him one last chance and he really made the most of it.
The next day he came home from work and told me about an online alternative to marriage counseling that one of his coworkers had been using to improve his marriage.
My Husband Was Incredibly Unhappy
No one ever wants to say, “My husband is unhappy with his life.” I certainly didn’t want to acknowledge that my husband was miserable. But in all honesty it was probably the reason why my husband was so mean to me.
With the help of the online marriage program, though, we were able to figure out how to make both of our lives better.
The program emphasized that the key to understanding each other was to increase our communication in marriage. My husband revealed that he had inadvertently turned into his father, who was also mean to his wife. He never wanted this to happen, and actually despised his father for the way he treated his mother.
But the truth was that he now understood his father. Maybe he wasn’t intentionally being mean. Maybe he just forgot how to act lovingly. Maybe he was tired and stressed and felt unappreciated.
My husband knew that he had to change by any means necessary because he didn’t want to lose me. We began completing exercises from the online marriage program every night.
I’m happy to say, thanks to the online counseling alternative, my husband and I are now happier than ever.
He has learned strategies to change his mindset and actually become the happy man that he used to be. Perhaps most importantly, he remembered how important I am to him, and now treats me with the respect I deserve.
What Worked For Us Might Work For You, Too
Do you ever find yourself asking, Why is my husband so mean to me? If so, do what we did and fill out the form below.
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I thought my marriage was doomed, but now we’re just as happy as we were when we first married—and that was 23 years ago! Thanks Mort!