You have some changes you’d
like to see in your spouse and your marriage,
right? And if I were a betting man, I'd guess your spouse has some
So what are you waiting for? Are you
waiting for your spouse to make the
first move? Are you waiting to feel love?
Most people think that the FEELING of
love comes BEFORE we express love—and
in the beginning of a relationship, that's what happens. You fall in
THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings inspire your actions.
But mature love asks more of you. To
create a strong LASTING marriage, you
first CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow.
After all, you don't jog two miles or
skip dessert because you feel healthy.
You feel healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So
it comes to your marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!
Once upon a time, when you fell in
love, it was easy to give to your spouse,
and you probably enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you felt
your giving. Remember surprising your spouse with something you knew
wanted? Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?
WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your
spouse a gift. Now here's the key. It
can't be just any gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see, the
important part of a present is that it embodies the presence of the one
gave it to you. This is not a matter of money. This takes time,
What gift would tickle the soul of
your spouse? What could you buy or make
for your spouse that would show how much of YOU went into the gift?
buy anything. Make sure it's your spouse's favorite color, made in
hometown, or something they mentioned last week.
Stick with this for a minute. This
takes some deep thought, but I guarantee
that if you make a habit of this kind of giving it will begin to fix
What could you give your spouse that
would make them glow and look at you
with intense appreciation? Did they recently mention they wanted
What's your spouse’s favorite dessert? Favorite flower?
Favorite spot for a
romantic retreat? Favorite sports team (tickets to a game)? Favorite
(new book)? Favorite musician (CD or tickets)?
I spent 10 minutes in a private
session with a man exploring what one gift
would “light up” his wife. We figured it out and,
in retrospect; he believes
that giving that gift shifted the momentum began to fix his marriage.
Inside your spouse is a child that
wants to be understood. If your spouse is
like most people, he/she does NOT feel understood…even by
you. When you get the
right gift for your spouse, they will feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to
the giver. When you give someone a gift that says, “I know
you, I understand
you,” you can “melt” them.
This is one of the things we work on
in the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot
Camp—how to discover the one gift that will fix your
marriage. And, how to get your
spouse TO WANT to give that gift TO YOU too.
It's easy to buy a gift. But the
right gift, given at the right time and in
the right way—that's an art. “Money can't buy you
love.” “It's the thought that
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“The only gift is a portion of
the gift of giving.
It'll give YOU love.
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