Fix Marriage 1, 2, 3
Here's a Secret to Fixing Your Marriage
You have some changes you’d
like to see in your spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a
betting man, I'd guess your spouse has some ideas too!
So what are you waiting for? Are you
waiting for your spouse to make the first move? Are you waiting to feel
love?
Most people think that the FEELING of
love comes BEFORE we express love—and in the beginning of a
relationship, that's what happens. You fall in love and THEN you do
acts of love. Your feelings inspire your actions.
But mature love asks more of you. To
create a strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your
feelings will follow.
After all, you don't jog two miles or
skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel healthy because you
jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes to your
marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!
Once upon a time, when you fell in
love, it was easy to give to your spouse, and you probably enjoyed
thinking up new ways to express how you felt through your giving.
Remember surprising your spouse with something you knew they wanted?
Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?
WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your
spouse a gift. Now here's the key. It can't be just any gift. Your
spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see, the most important part of a
present is that it embodies the presence of the one who gave it to you.
This is not a matter of money. This takes time, thought, and energy.
What gift would tickle the soul of
your spouse? What could you buy or make for your spouse that would show
how much of YOU went into the gift? Don't just buy anything. Make sure
it's your spouse's favorite color, made in their hometown, or something
they mentioned last week.
Stick with this for a minute. This
takes some deep thought, but I guarantee that if you make a habit of
this kind of giving it will begin to fix your marriage.
What could you give your spouse that
would make them glow and look at you with intense appreciation? Did
they recently mention they wanted something? What's your
spouse’s favorite dessert? Favorite flower? Favorite spot for
a romantic retreat? Favorite sports team (tickets to a game)? Favorite
author (new book)? Favorite musician (CD or tickets)?
I spent 10 minutes in a private
session with a man exploring what one gift would “light
up” his wife. We figured it out and, in retrospect; he
believes that giving that gift shifted the momentum began to fix his marriage.
Inside your spouse is a child that
wants to be understood. If your spouse is like most people, he/she does
NOT feel understood…even by you. When you get the right gift
for your spouse, they will feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to you, the
giver. When you give someone a gift that says, “I know you, I
understand you,” you can “melt” them.
This is one of the things we work on
in the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp—how to discover the
one gift that will fix your marriage. And, how to
get your spouse TO WANT to give that gift TO YOU too.
It's easy to buy a gift. But the right
gift, given at the right time and in the right way—that's an
art. “Money can't buy you love.” “It's
the thought that counts.”
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“The only gift is a portion of thyself.”
Enjoy
the gift of giving. It'll give YOU love.
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