Are
you a hedgehog or a fox? Bet you never thought about it. But it's an
important
question to answer if you want to know how
to save
a marriage.
Keep
reading, I'll explain why and I'll help you figure out which you are.
In
his essay "The Hedgehog and the Fox," based on an ancient Greek
parable, Isaiah Berlin describes how different people approach
problems. Some
people are like foxes; they know many things. Other people are like
hedgehogs;
they know one big thing.
A
fox is a clever animal able to devise many tactics for attacking the
hedgehog. Every day the fox looks like he has another brilliant
strategy to
finally win his prey.
The
hedgehog, on the other hand, is a slow boring creature whose defense is
the
same no matter how the fox attacks. Every day the fox thinks, "Aha, now
I've got you." But every day, no matter what approach the fox takes, no
matter where he strikes from, no matter what time of day it is, as soon
as the
hedgehog senses danger he thinks, "Here we go again," and he rolls up
into a little ball, extends his sharp spikes, and spoils the fox's best
laid
plans.
Berlin
explained that some people (foxes) see the world in all its complexity.
Their approach constantly changes depending on the circumstances, but
they
never develop a unified vision.
Other
people (hedgehogs), on the other hand, simplify the complexity of the
world into one principle - one basic idea that determines their every
move.
Now
don't misunderstand. Hedgehogs are not simpleminded. On the contrary,
their
understanding of the world is so profound that they're able to identify
the
most fundamental elements. You know, simple but not simplistic. Can you
get any
more basic than E = mc squared? Can you get any more brilliant?
Insightful
right? But what in the world does this have to do with how
to save
a marriage?
Everything!
Everyone
has problems, issues, and challenges in their marriage. Yours may even
be severe. And you will no doubt face a variety of problems over the
years.
You
might think that for each new problem, you need a new solution. But you
don't! Think like a hedgehog not a fox. Remember, for a hedgehog THE
SOLUTION
IS ALWAYS THE SAME.
Some
radio and television shows are hosted by relationship experts who have
guests or allow people to call-in to share their problems. It's
fascinating the
myriad of problems that couples face. What's equally fascinating is the
host's
ability to find unique solutions for all the different problems.
It
makes for an interesting show, but it's just not that complicated. The
ultimate answer to every problem is the same - love. LOVE IS THE
FOUNDATION OF
YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of it. Got a
problem?
You don't need a solution. You need more love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!
Sound
hokey? I know it does. Think about it though. Remember when you fell in
love? What problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you
had love!
You
know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or the
corner
of their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was so cute? Then one
day it
became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse used to be thrifty and now
your spouse
is cheap. WHAT CHANGED? Your love changed - that's what changed! And
the
solution to that annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to
rebuild your
love.
The
problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes the
counselor) sees the problem. If you see your problems as the problem;
that's
your problem.
Once
people join the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp and begin a dialogue
with
me, their first inclination is to ask me for a solution to their
marriage
problems. My solution is for them to institute a series of relationship
habits
that slowly but surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.
Fixing
problems and developing communication skills can lead to small
incremental changes in your marriage. But if you want to transform your
marriage, if you want to make a quantum change, if you want to know how
to save
a marriage,
you have
to
implement a pattern of new relationship habits. You have to create love.
People
get all bogged down in the negativity of trying to solve their
problems.
It's no fun and it's not productive. The crucial question in marriage
is NOT
how to solve your problems; it's how to create love.
Your
problems probably seem complex. But the good news is that the solutions
are simple. Be a hedgehog. Focus on building your love. That will solve
ALL
your problems.
If
you want to learn how save a marriage, then enter your name and email
below.
I'll send you my free report “7 Secrets for How
to Save
a Marriage.”
It’s free, so go ahead and enter your name and email.
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