I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You
Did your spouse tell
you, "I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you?"
What does that statement mean?
A person who says, "I love you, but
I’m not IN LOVE with you," is making a distinction between 2
different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings are love!
When a person says, "I love you, but
I’m not IN LOVE with you," they’re saying that I
CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you.
CARING about someone is a good thing.
It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different than
love. I care about the starving children in Africa, but I
don’t love them.
Being EXCITED about someone is also a
good thing. But it’s different than love. I might be excited
to have a relationship with the President of the United States or a
Hollywood star, but that doesn’t mean I love them.
While someone who says, "I love you,
but I’m not IN LOVE with you" seems to be making a
distinction between "different loves;" in fact, they are expressing
their confusion about what love really is. And that’s why
they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair
(because who are they IN LOVE with?).
Love is something we articulate in the
vocabulary of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you
get from another PERSON; it’s an experience you receive as a
result of DEEDS YOU DO for another person.
And those deeds are not a secret. In
other words, love is NOT a mystery! There are specific things you can
do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your
marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as
gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet
and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in
your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause
and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable...you can "make" love. This is exactly why I created the
Marriage Fitness program. I wanted to offer people a step-by-step
system to make and maintain love in their marriage. And the program
works for any marriage, even if only one spouse does it. Very often in
my private phone sessions, someone will say to me, "I love my spouse,
but I’m not IN LOVE with my spouse."
My immediate response is to ask, "Can
you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve
DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?"
I usually hear noise on the other end
of the phone; grunts, partial statements, and gasps for breath, but
none of what I hear ever passes for an answer to my question.
"I love you, but I’m not IN
LOVE with you" is a cop out. It basically means that I have no clue how
to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting to get
high from another short-term romance. But whoever they’re IN
LOVE with now will also eventually hear, "I love you, but I’m
not IN LOVE with you."
Of course, this is all fine and good,
but it’s really your spouse who needs to hear this, right?
Do NOT print this email out and give
it to them. And do NOT tell them what I said.
Getting your spouse from "I love you,
but I’m not IN LOVE with you" to "Okay, let’s give
this another chance" is a tricky task. If this is your situation,
it’s crucial you handle it properly. One false step and your
marriage could be over. If you take the right steps, you can draw your
spouse back in and begin to restore your marriage TOGETHER. How do you
do that? This is what I teach in the Lone Ranger Track of the Marriage
Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. I’ll teach you how to bring your
spouse back without applying pressure that will drive them farther
away. For more info, go to: http://www.MortFertel.com/tele-boot-camp.asp
The Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp is
a 7-week marriage-transforming AT-HOME (that’s right, all you
need is a telephone) multi-sensory program. To register or for more info, go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/tele-boot-camp.asp
If you can’t wait until the
next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn
things around, then order... MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX A 9-Phase
interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that
gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And you get
it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/home-flex.asp
Depending on your circumstances, you
may also benefit from private sessions. I do phone sessions and
full-day intensive "house calls." For more information, go to: http://www.MortFertel.com/marriage-coaching.asp
If you need help with your marriage,
at the very least get yourself the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING
PROGRAM. It’s a 5 CD audio listening program that
you’ll find to be an invaluable guide to renewing your
marriage. If you don’t have it, then you can’t be
serious about fixing your situation. For more info or to order, go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/audio-program.asp
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