Marital
Help
Article from an alternative to a marriage counselor
I just returned from a 2 day 1 night retreat to
Philadelphia with my daughter. One of the
highlights of the trip was an afternoon at the
Franklin Institute. I don't know if you've ever
been there, but it's basically kid heaven.
One of the demonstrations we saw was on how the
human mind works. It was geared toward kids, but
there were some profound messages too. I'd like
to share with you something I learned that I
believe relates to saving
your marriage.
In order to get the full impact of this
demonstration, please follow my instructions
carefully.
First, go to
http://viscog.beckman.illinois.edu/flashmovie/15.php
watch the video (it's only about 30 seconds), and
count the number of times someone in a WHITE
shirt throws a ball to someone else in a WHITE
shirt. Ignore the balls thrown between the people
wearing black shirts. FOCUS on the people in the
WHITE shirts and count how many times a ball is
thrown between them. Do that now and then
continuing reading below. Don't read below until
you've gone to the site, watched the video, and
done the count. Otherwise, you'll ruin the
demonstration.
Okay, so how many times did you count? 14? 15?
16?
Now let me ask you this: did you see anything
 unusual in the video? You're
probably thinking,
"Unusual? Like what?"
Well, like the gorilla that walked through the
scene.
You're probably thinking, "A gorilla?! What
gorilla? You're pulling my leg. There was no
gorilla."
Ask your marriage counselor their
opinion.
Now, go watch the video again, but this time look
for the gorilla.
Can you believe it? Isn't it amazing that you
didn't see it the first time?
What's the point?
It's amazing that something could be right in
front of us yet we don't see it. We're so focused
on what we've decided is important that something
right there gets overlooked.
How many times does a spouse tell me, "Mort, I
thought we were happily married. I had no idea
he/she was so unhappy."
Meanwhile, the other spouse says that they've
been jumping up and down like a gorilla for years
trying to get their spouse's attention.
It's so easy to miss things. Important things.
Things that are right in front of us. And one day
we wake up (or someone gives us a wakeup call)
and we can't believe we didn't see it. It was
right there the whole time. How did we miss it?
Your assignment this week (and I recommend for
every week) is to take some quiet time for
yourself. De-focus on whatever you're normally
focused on. Give yourself a chance to see what's
right in front of you but what you might be
missing. Step back and give yourself and chance
to see the broad picture.
Also, this exercise along with the video is a
great way to have fun with your spouse and
stimulate interesting conversation. Share it with
your spouse. Talk about it. Laugh about it. Learn
from it. And ask your marriage counselor about it.
Have a great week.
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness
An Alternative to a Marriage Counselor
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