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Marital Help Article from an alternative to a marriage counselor


I just returned from a 2 day 1 night retreat to

Philadelphia with my daughter. One of the

highlights of the trip was an afternoon at the

Franklin Institute. I don't know if you've ever

been there, but it's basically kid heaven.


One of the demonstrations we saw was on how the

human mind works. It was geared toward kids, but

there were some profound messages too. I'd like

to share with you something I learned that I

believe relates to saving your marriage.


In order to get the full impact of this

demonstration, please follow my instructions



First, go to

watch the video (it's only about 30 seconds), and

count the number of times someone in a WHITE

shirt throws a ball to someone else in a WHITE

shirt. Ignore the balls thrown between the people

wearing black shirts. FOCUS on the people in the

WHITE shirts and count how many times a ball is

thrown between them. Do that now and then

continuing reading below. Don't read below until

you've gone to the site, watched the video, and

done the count. Otherwise, you'll ruin the



Okay, so how many times did you count? 14? 15?



Now let me ask you this: did you see anything

unusual in the video? You're probably thinking,

"Unusual? Like what?"

Well, like the gorilla that walked through the



You're probably thinking, "A gorilla?! What

gorilla? You're pulling my leg. There was no


Ask your marriage counselor their opinion.


Now, go watch the video again, but this time look

for the gorilla.


Can you believe it? Isn't it amazing that you

didn't see it the first time?


What's the point?


It's amazing that something could be right in

front of us yet we don't see it. We're so focused

on what we've decided is important that something

right there gets overlooked.


How many times does a spouse tell me, "Mort, I

thought we were happily married. I had no idea

he/she was so unhappy."


Meanwhile, the other spouse says that they've

been jumping up and down like a gorilla for years

trying to get their spouse's attention.


It's so easy to miss things. Important things.

Things that are right in front of us. And one day

we wake up (or someone gives us a wakeup call)

and we can't believe we didn't see it. It was

right there the whole time. How did we miss it?


Your assignment this week (and I recommend for

every week) is to take some quiet time for

yourself. De-focus on whatever you're normally

focused on. Give yourself a chance to see what's

right in front of you but what you might be

missing. Step back and give yourself and chance

to see the broad picture.


Also, this exercise along with the video is a

great way to have fun with your spouse and

stimulate interesting conversation. Share it with

your spouse. Talk about it. Laugh about it. Learn

from it. And ask your marriage counselor about it.


Have a great week.


Warm regards,


Mort Fertel

Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

An Alternative to a Marriage Counselor




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