Put Your Problems Aside
The
Surprising Secret to Solving Marriage Problems
If you're reading a report about how
to improve your marriage, you're probably expecting to learn
problem-solving strategies, communication techniques, and insights
about gender differences. Do I have a SURPRISE for you!
The key to renewing your marriage is
NONE of those things.
How do I know this? Because I
experienced it!
Unlike
other relationship experts who approach the
topic from a clinical perspective, for me
saving and restoring marriages also very personal.
I'd like to share with you my story.
My wife and I started out deeply in
love. I remember staying up all night talking, surprising each other
with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to each other in code words. You
know the feeling of really being connected? That was us.
But then something happened that
destroys most marriages. We had a son who died when he was just one
week old. And then we had twin daughters, who also died as newborns.
Understandably, my wife became
depressed. I coped by immersing myself in work. We ran from each other
emotionally.
Your situation probably was not so
tragic, but something happened. What was it? How did you lose each
other? Maybe you can't put your finger on it, but things just
aren’t the same. That’s common too.
For us, after losing 3 children,
everything felt different. Instead of talking all night, it was a chore
to talk for a few minutes. Instead of using our code words, we used
curse words. Our relationship consisted of screaming matches and silent
treatments.
Somewhere deep in our heart though,
like you, we knew we didn't want to lose each other. So we made a
commitment to work on our marriage. Sometimes I tried and my wife
didn’t. Sometimes my wife tried and I didn’t. We
went through different stages of “trying.”
What did we try?
We tried the obligatory, "Honey, let
me repeat what you said to make sure I understood you correctly." We
applied conflict resolution strategies. My wife learned about Mars and
I learned about Venus. We even went to therapy to wrestle with our
problems. But guess what. Nothing changed. Nothing worked.
All the advice (books, counselors,
whatever) asked us to face our problems. But that just made us feel
worse. And fight more.
Then we had a breakthrough.
We decided to SET ASIDE OUR PROBLEMS
and try to CONNECT with each other.
We used POSITIVE relationship exercises that transformed our marriage.
Not only did we resolve our differences, we fell in love again! And we
did it—not by dealing with our problems (as serious as they
were)—but by establishing HEALTHY HABITS that brought
positive energy to our relationship.
This is the solution to most marital
situations! Believe it or not, the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM YOUR
PROBLEMS and SPEND YOUR TIME AND ENERGY building your relationship
through POSITIVE ACTIONS.
It's counter intuitive, but if you
strengthen your relationship, most of your problems will dissipate and
what remains of them can be more easily resolved in a safer, softer,
and more forgiving marital environment.
Before you deal with your problems,
you first have to build good will with each other.
If your marriage is stressed, do NOT
tackle your problems. If your timing is off, trying to solve problems
with your spouse will damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that
you'll ever find resolution.
Now you can see why Marriage Fitness
is fundamentally different from any other approach to relationship
success. It’s not about conflict-resolution or communication
skills because these are NOT the key to saving a marriage. The key is
NOT to fix what’s wrong. The key is to make new things right.
And there are, in fact, specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to make things right in
your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the
universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just
as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable—you can “make”
love.
Marriage
Fitness offers you a step-by-step system to make and maintain love in
your marriage. It also teaches you how to temporarily put aside the
problems and issues that are weighing you down and making it impossible
for you to establish a new momentum in your marriage. The program works
for any marriage even if only one spouse does it. And the best news is
that you don't have to dig into your past, dredge up your problems, or
practice communication techniques. This is not marriage counseling;
it's Marriage Fitness.
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