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I want to share with
you a little
about my kids. Bear with me, ultimately my point will help you solve
your marriage problems.
Each year, I take
each of my
children on a short 2 day/1 night trip. It's a chance for me to get
quality
1-on-1 time with each of them away from the family dynamics. They don't
have to
compete for my attention. There are no siblings vying for my time, no
appointments, no teleconferences, no meetings, I'm not working to solve
people's marriage problems; they
get
2 days of my undivided attention.
On our way home
traveling south
on I95, my son said to me, "Daddy, you said YES to everything on this
trip. Thank you."
I realized how often
I have to
say "no" to him during a normal day.
It's not unusual for
my kids to
ask me in the middle of a work day, "Daddy, will you play ball with me?
Daddy, will you read me a story? Daddy, can you help me with this?
Daddy, can
you help me with that?"
I'm not a stay at
home dad. More
often than not, the answer to these questions is "No." I can't. I have
a schedule. I have commitments.
Don't get me wrong, I spend time with my kids every day. We have dinner
together every night. But when you have three 6 year olds and a 10 year
old,
dinner plus an hour or two is not nearly enough time to be able to say
"Yes" to all their requests. I find that I just have to say
"No" a lot. It's hard.
That's one of my
goals on these 2
day private trips with each kid: to say YES.
"Daddy, can we go to
the
exercise room?"
"Sure. Let's do it."
"Daddy, can I show
you how I
can read?"
"Absolutely."
"Daddy, can you not
work
on problem marriages
today?"
"Okay, no marriage problems work today."
"Daddy, can I get a
souvenir
(we went to the United States Mint in Philadelphia)?"
"You can. What do you
want?
I'll buy it for you."
"Daddy, will you
snuggle
with me in bed tonight?"
"You bet. I got us a
room
with one king bed only."
You know kids...the
requests just
keep coming. And for 2 days I just kept saying "Yes."
A typical spouse is
not as
demanding as a 6 year old child; however, we have to say "No" to our
spouse
sometimes too.
"Honey, can you fix
my
computer?"
"I can't do that
tonight. I
have a teleconference tomorrow night but maybe I can look at it
Wednesday night."
"Honey, can you pick
the
kids up at the Smith's at 3pm?"
"Sorry, I'll be in
session."
How about a day of
YES for your
spouse? Your assignment this week is to pick 1 day this week and say
YES all
day long. Say YES to your kids, but especially say YES to your spouse.
You
might also consider sharing with your spouse that today is YESday. That
way,
you'll get more requests.
"Can we go out for
dinner tonight?"
"Sure. Where do you
want to
go?"
"Can you get me a drink from
the fridge?"
"Yes. What would you
like?"
At the end of your YESday, maybe
you'll hear from your spouse, "Honey, you said YES to everything today.
Thank you."
I'm not saying that a
YESday will
solve all your marriage problems or
that it can fix any marriage.
But it's a
start to shifting the momentum in your marriage. Small hinges swing big
doors.
Start small.
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"In
less than a week my
husband was looking thru the material and willing to listen to the CD's"
Dear
Mort,
I
would
like to first commend you on your patience, understanding, and
clarity. I
was looking for the ultimate answer to my marriage problems. When I
found you,
I immediately signed up for the program. I started out on the lone
ranger track
but after I listened to the 1st CD and read the book (all in one
evening) I
began putting actions into motion. In less than a week my husband was
looking
thru the material and willing to listen to the CD's. He is kind of hard
to
impress but you did it.
Your
program is a no brainer if you just think about it…the
CD's explain
in full color what we have been doing to each other. I cannot Thank You
enough
for opening our eyes. We can work together again without arguing, we
talk a lot
more and sometimes the tv doesn't even get turned on. I thank
God every
day that I found you. It was all the right timing. You will be in our
lives
forever. Thanks again.
Sincerely,
Pam
W.
P.S.
My
husband even did the whole laundry one week by himself. He even folded
the
clothes. BIG STEP.
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