I want to share
with you a little about my kids. Bear with me, ultimately my point will help
you solve your marriage problems.
Each year, I
take each of my children on a short 2 day/1 night trip. It's a chance for me to
get quality 1-on-1 time with each of them away from the family dynamics. They
don't have to compete for my attention. There are no siblings vying for my
time, no appointments, no teleconferences, no meetings, I'm not working to
solve people's problems; they get 2 days of my undivided attention.
On our way home
traveling south on I95, my son said to me, "Daddy, you said YES to
everything on this trip. Thank you."
I realized how
often I have to say "no" to him during a normal day.
It's not unusual
for my kids to ask me in the middle of a work day, "Daddy, will you play
ball with me? Daddy, will you read me a story? Daddy, can you help me with
this? Daddy, can you help me with that?"
I'm not a stay
at home dad. More often than not, the answer to these questions is
"No." I can't. I have a schedule. I have commitments.
Don't get me wrong, I spend time with my kids every day. We have dinner
together every night. But when you have three 6 year olds and a 10 year old,
dinner plus an hour or two is not nearly enough time to be able to say
"Yes" to all their requests. I find that I just have to say
"No" a lot. It's hard.
That's one of my
goals on these 2 day private trips with each kid: to say YES.
we go to the exercise room?"
Let's do it."
I show you how I can read?"
you not work today?"
I get a souvenir (we went to the United States Mint in Philadelphia)?"
What do you want? I'll buy it for you."
will you snuggle with me in bed tonight?"
"You bet. I
got us a room with one king bed only."
kids...the requests just keep coming. And for 2 days I just kept saying "Yes."
A typical spouse
is not as demanding as a 6 year old child; however, we have to say
"No" to our spouse sometimes too.
you fix my computer?"
"I can't do
that tonight. I have a teleconference tomorrow night but maybe I can look at it
you pick the kids up at the Smith's at 3pm?"
I'll be in session."
How about a day
of YES for your spouse? Your assignment this week is to pick 1 day this week
and say YES all day long. Say YES to your kids, but especially say YES to your
spouse. You might also consider sharing with your spouse that today is YESday.
That way, you'll get more requests.
"Can we go
out for dinner tonight?"
Where do you want to go?"
"Can you get me a drink from the fridge?"
would you like?"
I'm not saying that a YESday will solve all your
marriage problems or that it can fix any marriage. But it's a start to shifting the
momentum in your marriage. Small hinges swing big doors. Start small.
At the end of your YESday, maybe you'll hear from your spouse, "Honey, you
said YES to everything today. Thank you."
less than a week my
husband was looking thru the material and willing to listen to the CD's"
like to first commend you on your patience, understanding, and
was looking for the ultimate answer to my marriage problems. When I
I immediately signed up for the program. I started out on the lone
but after I listened to the 1st CD and read the book (all in one
began putting actions into motion. In less than a week my husband was
thru the material and willing to listen to the CD's. He is kind of hard
impress but you did it.
program is a no brainer if you just think about it…the
in full color what we have been doing to each other. I cannot Thank You
for opening our eyes. We can work together again without arguing, we
talk a lot
more and sometimes the tv doesn't even get turned on. I thank
day that I found you. It was all the right timing. You will be in our
forever. Thanks again.
husband even did the whole laundry one week by himself. He even folded
clothes. BIG STEP.
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