Just
Say YES
First, I want to tell you that for us Secret
Lover's Week (last week's assignment) was
AMAZING. We had the best time. All week long
there were love notes all over the house from one
person to another. And everyone was trying to
figure out who their secret lover was while the
secret lovers were trying to disguise their
handwriting. Adults were spelling like children
and children were typing notes to look like it
was made by adults. Finally, on Friday night, we
announced who all the secret lovers were. What a
hit! I hope it was for you too.
Now on to this week's assignment.
This assignment was inspired by a small comment
my 6 year old son made to me yesterday.
Each year, I take each of my children on a short
2 day 1 night trip. It's a chance for me to get
quality 1-on-1 time with each of them away from
the family dynamics. They don't have to compete
for my attention. There are no siblings vying for
my time, no appointments, no teleconferences, no
meetings, I'm not working to solve people's
marriage problems;
they get 2 days of my undivided attention.
On our way home traveling south on I95, my son
said to me, "Daddy, you said YES to everything on
this trip. Thank you."
I realized how often I have to say "no" to him
during a normal day.
It's not unusual for my kids to ask me in the
middle of a work day, "Daddy, will you play ball
with me? Daddy, will you read me a story? Daddy,
can you help me with this? Daddy, can you help me
with that?"
I'm not a stay at home dad. More often than not,
the answer to these questions is "No." I can't. I
have a schedule. I have commitments. I have to
write monthly Dear Mort Reports and about a
billion other responsibilities.
 Don't get me wrong, I spend
time with my kids
everyday. We have dinner together every night.
But when you have three 6 year olds and a 10 year
old, dinner plus an hour or two is not nearly
enough time to be able to say "Yes" to all their
requests. I find that I just have to say "No" a
lot. It's hard.
That's one of my goals on these 2 day private
trips with each kid: to say YES.
"Daddy, can we go to the exercise room?"
"Sure. Let's do it."
"Daddy, can I show you how I can read?"
"Absolutely."
"Daddy, can you not work on solving marriage
problems
today?"
"Okay, no marriage problems work today."
"Daddy, can I get a souvenir (we went to the
United States Mint in Philadelphia)?"
"You can. What do you want? I'll buy it for you."
"Daddy, will you snuggle with me in bed tonight?"
"You bet. I got us a room with one king bed
only."
You know kids...the requests just keep coming. And
for 2 days I just kept saying "Yes."
A typical spouse is not as demanding as a 6 year
old child; however, we have to say "No" to our
spouse sometimes too.
"Honey, can you fix my computer?"
"I can't do that tonight. I have a teleconference
tomorrow night but maybe I can look at it
Wednesday night."
"Honey, can you pick the kids up at the Smith's
at 3pm?"
"Sorry, I'll be in session."
How about a day of YES for your spouse? Your
 assignment this week is to
pick 1 day this week
and say YES all day long. Say YES to your kids,
but especially say YES to your spouse. You might
also consider sharing with your spouse that today
is YESday. That way, you'll get more requests.
"Can we go out for dinner tonight?"
"Sure. Where do you want to go?"
"Can you get me a drink from the frig?"
"Yes. What would you like?"
At the end of your YESday, maybe you'll hear from
your spouse, "Honey, you said YES to everything
today. Thank you."
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author
& Founder of Marriage Fitness
Your Marriage Problems Solution Man
Marriage
Fitness is an alternative to marriage
counselors with an international stop
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