How Do You Know If You
Married The Right Person
During one of my seminars, a woman
asked me a question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right
person?"
I noticed that there was a large man
sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, how do you know?
How do you know if you married the right person?
Here’s the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the
beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their
call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse
wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous
experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s
why it’s called "falling" in love - because it’s
happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was
swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It
implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then
something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy.
It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the
euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY
relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they
come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your
spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you
nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with
every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will
notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in
love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse
might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your
spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin
to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages
breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all
shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people
turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive
substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does
NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you
couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And
TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the
same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully) THE KEY TO
SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or
spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You
can’t "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and
day out. That’s why we have the expression "the labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
And <$firstname$>, make
no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things
you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the
universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just
as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable - you can "make" love.
Marriage Fitness a step-by-step system
for making and maintaining love in your marriage. And the program works
for any marriage even if only one spouse does it.
If you want me to walk you
step-by-step through the marriage renewal process, I suggest the
Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. It’s a 7-week intensive
private HOME-BASED marriage transforming program that includes 7
tele-seminars, 3 Q & A teleconferences, a 15 CD home learning
kit, a complete workbook and personal journal, an autographed copy of
Marriage Fitness, a members-only web site, 1-on-1 private sessions with
me, and much more. And all you need is a telephone. You don’t
have to go anywhere. For more information, click here.
If you can’t wait until the
next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn
things around, then order... MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX A 9-Phase
interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that
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If
you need help with your marriage, at the very least get yourself the
MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING PROGRAM. It’s a 5 CD starter
program that you’ll find to be an invaluable guide to
renewing your marriage. For more info or to order, click here.
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