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Pain and Peace: How to
Transition
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When it comes to your
emotional state of being,
there's a b ig
difference between being in pain
and true suffering.
What's the difference? And
how is this relevant
for your marriage?
Let me illustrate
with a story.
There once was a man
who was sentenced to 25
years of backbreaking
labor. His wrists were tied
to the handle of a
huge wheel that was inlaid in
the wall. His job was
to turn the wheel 10 hours
a day.
For years, day in and
day out, the prisoner would
wonder what he was
doing with this wheel. What
was the meaning of
his work? What was on the
other side of this
wall? Was he grinding grain?
Pulling up water?
Moving some sort of conveyer
belt?
For 25 years he
contemplated the meaning of his
work, and for 25
years he spun that wheel. It was
grueling, but he
survived.
When his sentence was
complete he was released
from prison. The
first thing he did was run to
the other side of the
wall to see what he had
been doing all this
time.
What did he see?
Nothing!
There was nothing
attached to the wheel. For 25
years, 10 hours a
day, he was spinning a wheel
for absolutely no
purpose. When the man realized
his true sentence, he
collapsed and died.
The prisoner was able
to survive 25 years of
backbreaking labor,
but when he realized that it
was all for nothing,
he couldn' t s urvive for
another moment.
So what's the
difference between pain and
suffering?
Pain has a purpose.
Suffering is true
torture because it has no
meaning.
Pain is bearable.
Suffering for no reason is
devastating.
Ask any woman about
child labor. How was it?
Would you do it
again? Most women will answer: It
was painful, but I
didn' t s uffer. I would do it
again.
This is the key to
surviving marital problems and
making it through to
a new love and peace with
your spouse.
If you think there's
no purpose to your emotional
hurt, you'll just
want out. You'll run from your
kids, your
responsibility, your vows...you'll run
from it all just to
get relief from an unbearable
suffering.
But if you can come
to understand why you're in
this situation, then
you'll succeed to make it
through like a woman
in child labor.
Why is this happening
to you? What are you
supposed to be
learning from all of this? Can you
see how your marital
problems are really an
opportunity for you
and your spouse?
I remember when my
wife and I were going through
wha t s eemed to be
unbearable emotional pain as a
result of the loss of
our 3 children and our
marriage problems.
But now I see it all
differently. Yes, we
were in pain, but we didn't
suffer. And although
I migh t s cript things
differently if I were
God, my wife and I now feel
a sense of peace and
happiness that we wouldn't
trade for anything.
Yes, we lost a lot, but we
gained each other and
forged a marriage that has
become a wellspring
of joy in our life.
Since those painful
times, I've been blessed with
the opportunity to
lead thousands of people who
are suffering in
their marriage to a new peace
and happiness with
their spouse. I've found a way
to do it even with
the most difficult and unusual
situations.
For all of these
people, the beginning of that
process was the
Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp.
And you can read
about hundreds of stories in
addition to mine on
this web site.
Warm
regards,
Mort Fertel, Author & Founder of
Marriage Fitness
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