Have you ever been to a winery?
Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really…play along with me here for a moment.
Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What’s the point of it all?
A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their marriage. “Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?”
But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our marriage has to go through a painful process before it matures.
The people who have the best marriages are NOT people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have OKAY marriages.
The BEST marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.
There’s an ancient song by King David, “Those who sow in tears will reap harvest in glad song.”
And so it is that pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth.
In my private sessions with people whether it’s via telephone or the full day “house calls” I do, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.
But the turnaround in a marriage is NOT automatic. Just because you hit bottom, does NOT mean you’ll bounce back. If you don’t make it happen, you’ll just crash. In order to turn your marriage around, you have to take RESPONSIBILITY.
What does it REALLY mean to be responsible? A person who is responsible has the ABILITY to RESPOND. In other words, if you take response-ability for your marriage, then your marriage is not determined solely by what happens; it’s also determined by how you RESPOND to what happens.
A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your marital circumstances today WILL determine your marital circumstances tomorrow. YOUR actions create your marriage. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.
If you know how to do this, then do it now. If you need help, then USE ME. I can help you. Years ago my marriage was hours from “done.” I turned it around and I can show you how too. I’ve helped thousands of marriages.
Making a relationship work is not mystical. Love is NOT a mystery. You don’t have to be “lucky in love.” You can “make love.” You just have to know the recipe.
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness