When is Divorce
an Option?
And How to Decide
One of
the questions I'm most frequently asked is, "How do you know when it's
time to quit?"
In terms of when to give up on your
marriage, here's what I recommend.
If divorcing is a consideration for
you from a moral perspective, then before you go that route, try first
for at least one year.
Did you hear that?
Try for at least one year!
And I mean REALLY try. You can always
call it quits. You always have that option. But once you pull that
trigger, it's over. No more chances. Your life will never be the same.
Do you have kids? If you do, their life will never be the same.
If you end your marriage, you don't
want there to be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don't ever want to
look back and wonder if things could have been different. You don't
want to ask yourself, "What if this...and what if that...what if I
tried this...what if I did that?"
If you have to end your marriage, you
want to know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything you could to
make it work.
If you have to end it, you want to be
able to move on with your life and into another relationship with a
clear head. You want to come to a place of healthy "completion." THIS
IS CRUCIAL! And to accomplish this, in my experience, it takes at least
one year. I know it probably seems like a long time, but it's an
investment in the rest of your life.
Here's the key point. Listen
carefully. It's a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER
YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it's a good investment if you
turn your marriage around. But if you don't, it will NOT have been a
wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have
done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of
your life AND (if it comes to this) YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.
I have seen too many cases of spouses
ending their marriage prematurely, and as result of not reaching
"completion" in one relationship, they find themselves in the same
situation a few years later with someone else.
In private sessions with people,
sometimes the progress I help them make turns out to be more beneficial
for them in their next relationship than in their current one.
I remember once when the marriage of
someone who registered for the Lone Ranger Track of the Marriage
Fitness Tele-Boot Camp ended in the middle of the program. This man
asked me if he should continue with the final 3 weeks of the program. I
said, "Absolutely."
He responded, "Why? What's the point?
My marriage is over."
"You're not doing it for this
marriage," I explained. "You're doing it for the benefit of your next
one."
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying
that your intention while you're working on your marriage should be for
the benefit of your life after your marriage. Your intention needs to
be to restore your CURRENT relationship. But if you fail, your effort
will NOT have been for naught.
Bottom line is this. If you're asking,
"When is it time to call it quits?" The answer is: one year after you
think you're done. If after one year of trying everything in your power
to make your marriage work you're still miserable, then you should
consider moving on. Until then, hang in there and don't give up.
This topic reminds me of my situation
many years ago. I remember learning late one night that my wife had an
appointment with a divorce attorney the next morning. We were hours
from "done." Who would have ever thought that we could turn things
around at that point?
It's NEVER too late! In fact (and
here's real food for thought), very often the turning point in a
marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. Sometimes it's not until
things couldn't get worse that they can get better.
{!firstname_fix}, I wish you and your
spouse the best. If I can help you, let me know. If you’re
ready to revamp your relationship, I suggest you register for the next
Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. It’s a 7-week
transformational experience. You can pick either the Lone Ranger Track
or the Duo Track depending on your situation. And it couldn’t
be more convenient. You don’t have to go anywhere. All you
need to participate is a telephone. For information and or to register,
click
here.
If you can’t wait until the
next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn
things around, then order... MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX A 9-Phase
interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that
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order, click here.
If you want my undivided attention and
if you’d like me to work with you 1-on-1 to help you fix your
marriage, you can make an appointment for a phone session or arrange
for me to do a "house call." For more information about these options
as well as fees, click
here.
At
the very least, get yourself the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING
PROGRAM. It’s a 5 CD starter program that you’ll
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